I’m going to preface this by saying that there is talk about depression & mental health issues.
I joined Spells8 & the forum in July of 2020. At the time, I had no idea what I was looking for out of life. So many things had happened in rapid succession that were major life changes, with Covid right in the middle. I felt like someone had ripped me apart & I was trying to stay together or put myself back together.
There was a lot of self-reflection of some kind, more of the who am I kind than anything else. I was in a dark place. I didn’t know which end was up, what I should do or say, there were so many questions about how to move forward. I had even thought of leaving my home & going somewhere else because my family would be better off without me here.
I was talking to my friend & he had mentioned that I was so very different. I wanted to be me again. We talked about things we “used to” do who I was at a very different time in my life, before children. However, I had my own groove that I missed because I dropped everything about me to be a mom it had seemed. I had lost myself along the way & the events of 2018 through 2020 were just too heavy for me. So much had changed the way of my life. I wanted something that said I was still me.
When I was a teenager, I dabbled in witchcraft with a very good friend of mine. When I left that part of my life behind, witchcraft stayed with it. My children came & I moved to a different part of my state because my son had ongoing issues with a congenital birth defect, neurological effects, & we were sorting that out with my 2nd son recently born. At the same time, my mom & Nana were very sick with cancers & I was trying to hold it together to help my Dad when I could & still go to Sunday dinners. So witchcraft became a thing of the past. I just simply didn’t have the time or energy for anything after my day was done. I was working full time, going to & from the city with my son for specialist appointments, & trying to keep a home.
So back in July of 2020, after talking to my friend, I wanted something to feel like I was me again. I was looking up things on Wicca, Paganism, all of it. Trying to find something that could explain it to me & I stumbled upon the courses from Spells8 in my search & started poking around. I joined the site & then popped into the forum. I had found my people. I went through the courses as I found them & practiced the Daily Ritual & Coffee Consecration. I tried new teas & started putting together my Book of Shadows. It started as 1 binder & now it is separated into 3 binders & a Book of Mirrors. I learn a lot when something catches my interest but then I want to learn it all, & all at once. So I learned to pace myself. I learn it as it comes now. I have a focus when I am doing things.
I still went through my depression, I had to feel what I felt to move forward instead of trying to avoid it. But I had help. I would get disconnected from things but I always wanted to stay connected to Spells8 & the forum. The forum had taken over as my social media. Then I swung back & forth between FaceBook, Instagram, & the forum. Now I have made it through the worst of my depression & I am getting better every day. I feel a lot more present & more like I know who I am & where I am going. The forum was here for me through a few disconnects & listened to me & distracted me. I have made some great friendships & wouldn’t change them for the world.