Heated discussion and a tornado warning

Good afternoon!

I had a somewhat heated talk with my 18-year-old about helping around the house. He decided that I was arguing to argue. I wasn’t yelling; I stated facts in a sterner voice than my regular & I flatly said; I am sick of not having help maintaining the house. I feel like it’s his age, instant gratification, answer for everything… so my last sentence was, “I won’t say another word.” I finished picking up the kitchen and just went to my room with my laptop. I could hear him play his music loudly, so meditation was out then. I decided after about a half-hour to go down to our beach. I sat there watching the water, listening to the whipping wind that would pick up sand and every so often, and toss it my way. I watched two little ones play with their Dad in the water, and a couple was enjoying their time in the water while a few others sat on the beach. They were reading, listening to music, resting their eyes. I asked the world, What did I do to deserve such ungratefulness? Why is it so tough for me to get any help from him? I did a headspace meditation on the beach because I am still learning. I then walked to the edge of the water and put my feet in for a few seconds and decided to head back to my house. Upon entering my home, he was folding the laundry from the couch with his music on, I said nothing and went to my room to work on my family tree. I heard my husband come home, and when I entered the living room. The whole pile of laundry was folded, and he had just finished matching socks. I guess we needed to be separated for a little bit. The negativity that I had felt in the house was gone, and it had become more pleasant. I brought in the barrel, wiped down the bathroom, I made a cup of tea and retreated to my room. We could talk in short sentences. We needed time apart. I don’t know what he is thinking or what happens next, but I am happy that somehow, he got the message. Just a little help is all I asked for, and he gave it to me. I thanked him a couple of times. Now I wait to see what happens next in our changing relationship.

Is it just the age? Is it something that he needs to go through? My 11 year old helps me out whenever she is at the house, minus her room. I feel like he wants so much so fast to change for him and that he thinks he knows it all about the world. Do I just let him go and figure it out? I don’t even know if I did the right thing. But it feels like going to the beach to talk to nature was what we both needed to get through this afternoon. I noticed how the wind was moving the water and the sand, could the full moon and impending stormy weather be unusually affecting both of us? We are usually very close and talk without it being close to an argument.

3 Likes

I agree that he needed some space, air to breathe, time alone. And you did too! Being 18 is hard and living with an 18-year-old probably even harder! He’s an adult and I’m sure he would enjoy living on his own now. And it would teach him a lot about cleaning after himself!

But of course that’s not always a possibility. However, for example, my wife’s cousins have a teenager and his father helped him build a cabin in their property. It took a lot of work but now he can stay there during the day and even at night. His own home next to home!

3 Likes

Thank you @Francisco! We definitely did… my oldest was nothing like this so it’s new to me! My 21-year-old actually didn’t move out until he turned 21 in May. No manual at birth so most of the time I am honestly winging it and hoping for the best. I have been having feelings of Empty Nest and that my kids no longer need or want me unless I can do something for them in some way. My time at the beach was wonderful to just be with the waves and wind. I am very drawn to water and things associated with it and I loved being able to do a meditation there after everything. I feel like maybe tomorrow I should cleanse the residual negative energies in my house and maybe do something to allow positive energy to flow freely throughout it. I just have no idea how to draw in the positive after I release the negative. Any suggestions would be welcomed!

I am very in tune to certain weather things also. Barometric pressure I feel physically and when the weather is having a drastic change I feel it elsewhere. It’s hard to explain, I just know when things are amiss in our weather patterns. So with a tornado warning, I knew something was going to be wonky in the house with people around me.

3 Likes

Ahhh a weather empath, I too do that, when the barometer changes. As for kids, well they didn’t come tattooed on the butt with instructions…so we punt… age 18?? oh my I remember when my kids were that age… turn up the music, enjoy it with them and dance, while folding clothes or washing dishes… a good way to connect with them, even though you may not like the music, all too soon he will be gone… and when the little goes, the empty nest syndrome hits… and will hit hard… so just jump in and boogey for now… its all you can do…

2 Likes

@roxanne I usually do, I let him add songs to my playlist and connect when we are in the car. I think today just was stress and weather and things he has never liked doing and usually finds a way out of doing.

I am an empath! My daughter is also one; she doesn’t know it yet. She feels as deeply as I do, and she personalizes as I also do. I have a preemptive empty nest, and I know that soon it will just be myself and my little girl and husband. I’m just not ready for it, no matter what I say or how much I prepare for it. Lol

2 Likes

I have three children, now all of them are middle aged. What you see is normal! Being a parent is hard. There is always a tug of war between expressing our unconditional love, and building great people. It is fraught with drama! Hang in there. Communication is key.

3 Likes

@wendy4 thank you so much! That makes me feel much better! Afterward, we said I love you to each other, and we went to the store. We were okay. I realized at the same time, the hell I put my parents through and feel like I need to apologize to my father for the way I was, I can’t imagine my children doing the things I did when I was their age! Always a learning experience!

2 Likes

I had a tornado warning. Along with a bad wind and rain storm. A ton of trees fell down near my house. Everyone is fine but a couple different places of our fencing is down and our shed too. Nothing that can’t be replaced. Glad your son got the hint! I have to constantly remind my kids to help and I end up cleaning up after them!:exploding_head:

2 Likes

@christina4 that’s the same with me. The reminders turn into nagging in their minds. I went with a different approach concerning my son and it worked out well! I know that by where my husband works the rain was sideways and the wind pulled down lines and tree branches and street signs. Where I am we got a sun shower and a whole lotta wind! It was lifting and tossing the sand on me, so I had to leave when the pelting sand made red marks on my arms. I am constantly cleaning up after them and I need help some days.

2 Likes

Ohh wow- I saw on the news too, I hope everyone dealing with crazy storms and tornado weather is staying safe and dry!!! :pray::two_hearts:

2 Likes

We wound up having more of a wind storm and the seas were kicked up with a sun shower. It wasn’t anything too bad here. I know that elsewhere was not so lucky, but made it through without too much damage that can’t easily be repaired. Of course I only speak for my area, I’m not sure about other states where the storm went directly over them.

2 Likes

Glad to hear you and your loved ones are safe, @krissie117! :pray: Hope everyone else also weathered the storm safe and sound! :heart:

2 Likes

As a mother of 3 men, I can relate. There were times I went on strike to prove the point that I needed help.

One thing to keep in mind is that this year has been hard for everyone; especially older teens who have missed out on the opportunity for life’s milestones; Senior Prom, formal graduation ceremonies; hanging with friends and getting to be themselves in the most basic way possible.

In my experience, the whisper gets more attention than the deafening noise of nagging. (recall all those times as a parent you were able to shut out the incessant noise from the high pitched screams of your child/ren) Acknowledge when they do something that pleases or helps you, provide dead-lines if they need to perform a certain task ie: mowing the yard.

In reality this is nothing more than growing pains searching for their own autonomy and under the current crisis the world is in, perfectly normal.

Perhaps, just a thought, you might be able to teach him how to meditate to seek his own escape; be it for relaxation or just a different place (like OLRP gaming).

JMO

LL

2 Likes

Hi @da1! It is lovely to meet you. We overcame it, and with him, yelling doesn’t work. It never has, so I just said what I had to say and left it at that, which yielded results that have lasted more than just that afternoon! It has been a challenging year for all of my children, and I try more often than not to be quite mindful of this when I am having trouble communicating with them. He missed out on quite a bit this year, and in July, they canceled his graduation for virtual graduation. All of the Seniors had worked very hard since March when they were abruptly taken out of classroom learning and had to adapt to the online format. I try to cut them some slack because everything is so different now.

I think this is an excellent idea for him and possibly his younger sister. They both have anxiety, and it would be wonderful if they could center themselves a little bit once their minds start racing like I know mine does. I love the Headspace app for meditation right now and have picked up on some techniques that help me each day as well.

Thank you so much for your help and kind words. I hope you have a great day!

Blessed Be!

2 Likes

I tired whispering instead of yelling at the kids, you know what? Since they are always nosy they were very quiet to listen, it worked sometimes othertimes, well they were kids…

2 Likes