I'd love your insight on this one

General Discussion
1

I have been holding onto this story for a little while but thought, if anyone would have some insight, I am sure all of you would so I would love to hear your opinions.

Sadly, I have a relatively difficult relationship with my mother-in-law. We have such different personalities, I am quiet and go out of my way to help people and she is very loud and, well, let’s say that she likes to get her way. She was a high school teacher for most of her life and likes to speak to people as though they are her students and have to do exactly what she says she doesn’t use questions or tact she just gives orders, so, our personalities don’t always mesh well… I would like to believe that we both try to get along for the sake of my husband and children, but it is difficult.

For example, and to give a little bit of an idea of what I mean about our tough relationship: when my daughter was born, we were still in the hospital because I had some pretty serious complications and I was sensitive after multiple miscarriages so didn’t want my baby out of my sight. My mother-in-law came in to visit, took my daughter out of my arms, put her in the hospital bassinet, and rolled her out of the room and down the hall to a separate visitor’s room so that she could bond with her on her own. I couldn’t go after them because I was weak, stuck in bed, and having a blood transfusion at the time… it took me begging the nurses to bring my baby back and my blood pressure spiking before my MIL brought my child back to me, telling me that I was being ridiculous and that she should be able to have some one-on-one time with her new grandbaby and then talking my husband into taking my daughter home with them (my husband and MIL) and leaving me at the hospital alone overnight. She said she wanted to let my husband get a good night’s sleep and she would sleep with my daughter in her nursery so he didn’t have to worry about anything.

Anyhow, as some of you may recall for the holidays I was pouring candles to give as gifts and all of them turned out perfectly, except for the one I was making for her. For some reason, when poured her candle the wax fell as it cooled making a funnel into the candle. Out of 20 candles, all poured at the same temperature, with the same ingredients, this only happened to this one candle… So, I tried a second time making sure I hadn’t warmed the wax too high or that the room temperature wasn’t changed or anything like that. I poured two more candles to test that turned out just fine and then the same thing happened with hers again!

Wow. Talk about a sign, right?

I’d love to hear what you all may think, I am great at seeing the signs but not always at interpreting them… :hearts:

Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it.

16 Likes
2

I don’t know anything (yet) about candle magic. :candle: But I’m here to say that I empathize with you and your difficult relationship with your mother-in-law. You are not wrong in seeing these “outrageous” things, while she tries to gaslight you. I have a similar relationship with my mother who has narcissist tendencies. My only advice is to work on building strong boundaries, make sure your husband is on your side and speaks for your nuclear family as a whole (you are one team), and try to distance yourself as much as possible from her.

I had a very helpful reading from @MeganB in [Weekend Divination] :tarot_card:(https://forum.spells8.com/t/weekend-divination-jan-5-7/46074) that you can read about that focused on this mother-daughter relationship. You may find it helpful. It was spot on for me. :heart:

15 Likes
3

Thanks, I will definitely check that out! :heart:

13 Likes
4

I’m so sorry Kristina that you have had to go through all that you have! It’s no surprise the candle became a funnel. It sounds like your MIL has a serious void that sucks the life out of everyone she knows. I had similar circumstances with my own mother. Being gaslighted by people who are supposed to love you and have your best interests at heart is gut-wrenching. Stay true to yourself! See if you can have a talk with your husband to make sure he understands what’s happening. Men aren’t always good at that when it comes to their mothers. Many have been brainwashed by this same person their entire life. I’m really glad you posted this so you can confirm that it’s not “you”!!! Hang in there and stay as far away as you possibly can. I’m here whenever you need to chat. Nancy

14 Likes
5

Oh wow, @nancy12, you are spot on there and thank you for seeing it more clearly than me. In the end, I gave her one of the other candles I poured and let my daughter give the mug as a separate gift without the candle in it.

Thankfully, we have our own small family Yule at home the night before we spend the day at my in-laws because my family got me some amazing gifts this year at home :hearts: but at her home, my stocking was almost completely empty and there was only a small giftcard from my brother-in-law under the tree for me. I am so happy that my babies were spoiled but it can be tough to sit there for hours and feel left out.

I will try to have a better conversation with my hubby, you are right that he doesn’t seem to see how things are…

14 Likes
6

I am sorry you have to deal with her. Noone deserves that kind of insensitive crap. She’s wrong for that. I live with someone with narcissistic tendencies so I can empathize. My suggestion learn to protect yourself. Stand up for your self. I’m an empath so I have been working on this since I started. It does get better. The best thing u can do when she is acting like that is say uh huh yeah ok. And go silent. Grey rock her!

Don’t engage. Realize she got something going on and it has nothing to do with you. I suggest working through your trauma also. In order to gain strength and stability. Shadow work and self love. Another exercise I have been doing is. I always start with grounding then Light a candle. Turn off the lights. Stare into the flame imagine your separation from the flame. How you have separate energy. Then look to your peripheral void. The darkness and imagine being a part of it go back and forth. I also have a crappy coworker. So I utilize this exercise at work. when I feel like I’m taking on his energy or he’s getting to me and being a jerk. I visualize that my energy is separate from his and being apart of the void. It has really helped me and I just started it. It’s helping my brain realize I’m happy I can be happy and his mood and words mean nothing to me. I’d stand up for myself and say something if it gets out of control. I let him know I don’t need this. He is nothing to me. Hisattacks are useless here. I vibrate a powerful protective energy. Say you do not affect me. Okay and Id suggest working on grounding to the universe. A rope tying you securely. The light flowing through. Then practice radiating the light outside your body after it’s shone down your entire body. Then push it to generate a shield. You could also draw up a guardian animal. Imagine this animal at your side protecting you completely. Feel her fur on your skin and hear her growls and purrs. Many use a black panther for this. It’s up to you. Just suggestions.

And talk to your husband he should be able to notice this as well. Maybe write out all she does to first so u have it together.
Blessed be lovely :rose:

13 Likes
7

@Satans_Helper, great, thank you so much for this! I think it will be so much help. :hearts:

13 Likes
8

I’m glad my reply resonated with you. How dare they make you feel left out! I once spent a Christmas at a new “stepsister’s” house while they all exchanged gifts and my two little boys received nothing! We had given them our gifts at the hotel that morning, but it just felt awful.
You will never change those type of people Kristina. So you just have to open your husband’s eyes and find excuses not to spend too much time with them. Maybe a small family getaway next year…just you, your husband and kids. A cabin in the woods maybe! Please remember you’re ok…better than ok…you’re just fine! I’m so happy you have this witch sisterhood to spend time with. We all need it!!! We’re walking a very special path, that many people don’t understand and we must find people with like minds so that we can keep our own minds intact!!! Best to you Kristina

15 Likes
9

I think so too babe. You got this stand tall watch your posture as it can change your mood. Show no interest in her. Don’t share anything especially personal. Also when we get down we tend to slouch and look inward and this is when we judge ourselves. Look out and up showing interest in the world. It can help your positivity. It all may be hard at first. You may still have a few struggles before you strengthen this development. Just don’t give up. You got this :rose:

13 Likes
10

Thankyou for your bravery in bringing in this chat. I’m dealing with this issue in my extended family. Attacked out of nowhere this Saturday. All your advice is wonderful and a gift from the gods. So timely too. Thankyou :heartpulse:

13 Likes
11

@tracyS Hey you. I see you. I’ve dealt with losing my whole family except my mother. Then the rest of them are judgmental as hell. So I feel you. Your not alone. I’m always here for you if you need to talk. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Your a beautiful person with a beautiful soul.

If you need anything pm me

12 Likes
12

Been there. I’m sorry to say that I’m dealing with it too. Thankful for the advice in this discussion for me personally as well.

11 Likes
13

I stopped dead in my tracks when I read both of these. This is so shocking and inconsiderate of her. I am so sorry that she is this way and is disrespectful of your wishes and feelings. My MiL cut off all contact with me over a decade ago and since we don’t have children I don’t have to interact with her. So I’m not in a great position to advise as I’m not in the same situation.

With the candle perhaps it’s a sign, maybe it’s a reflection of the disruptive nature of her relationship with you, maybe subconsciously you were putting off a different energy while making and remaking hers? :thinking:

In any case, I may not have the answers you are looking for but I’m sending you light, peace, and strength!
:herb: :bow_and_arrow: :hekate_wheel: :crescent_moon:

11 Likes
14

@Satans_Helper @BlueAngelite Thankyou for your support. I’ve had to resort to a baneful knot spell. I don’t normally do this but Protection is necessary (I’ve done soft baneful before), but my daughter said it’s time we deflect and protect. If anyone’s interested I’ll post the spell separately in Sacred Space, it sends the bad energy back to the person and binds them to their own energy until you either release the bind or they let go of the energy. There’s a specific circle of protection that needs to be done but when they attack my family, I have no choice. This is not a curse but a protective return to Sender spell💚

11 Likes
16

My mother in law (May she RIP ) was a very difficult and judgemental woman. At every opportunity she would criticise our parenting (we have three sons). With my wife suffering from PPD and later Bipoplar Disorder, her scorn was dreadfully damaging. What made it worse was that she bizarrely would make statements out loud to no one in particular referring to her daughter as ‘she’.

‘He only cries because she doesn’t give him enough time you see!!’ Quote :flushed:.

Strangely she never wanted any part in the raising of our children, but would give her ‘advice’ freely. Thankfully my own mother and father were extremely supportive instead. Prompting my wife to state at my mother’s funeral that she’d been more of a mother to her than her own.All sad stuff, that happened forty years ago now, and I know who was the real loser here in the end.

I’m interested in the advice given here in sending the negative energy back to your MIL. It caused me to think on how my own version of Hindu witchery would approach this. What springs to mind is a quote from Ram Dass whose guru Maharaji called him to one side and said ‘Ram Dass, love everyone’ RD replied ’ I can’t’. Maharaji’s solution was ‘love everyone and tell the truth’.

What I take from this is that by developing a feeling of love for such a destructive individual, and telling them the truth about your feelings regarding their behaviour, empowers you and also makes you feel positive about yourself. Who knows what the individual themselves may get from that, but it doesn’t matter. You have taken back control, with kindness and drawn that important line in the sand.

Your husband will hopefully learn to support you in this over his overbearing mother. But with you showing strength and love he will likely come around.

I hope this advice from an aging father of three helps you.

Know you are special, know you are loved :pray::pray::pray:

12 Likes
17

@tracyS, I am so sorry that you are going through this as well, when our children are involved it makes it particularly difficult.

8 Likes
18

@peetamba, thank you so much! I greatly appreciate your advice. :hearts:

I like ‘love everyone and tell the truth.’ I always keep quiet, letting things go as much as I can (or maybe just keeping it all inside so I do not make waves), and try to keep the peace, but maybe speaking my truth would be a better path.

Thanks once again!

8 Likes
19

Go sister :smiley:

7 Likes
20

Speak truth lovely. I’ve kept the peace for years, just leaves you open to more abuse. You don’t need to be unkind, just strong and refuse to accept their treatment of you. Brace yourself, they won’t like it, so protect up, prayers, crystals, amulet, talisman whatever you use. Am with you lovely :sparkling_heart:

9 Likes
21

@Satans_Helper I’ve placed the spell in the demonolatry club part 2. :green_heart:

7 Likes