I'm changing for the better and I have no clue how this happened

So, I was abused. Some of you probably know. And I live in a toxic household. Not too long ago (Like a week ago) I would have no regret causing harm on those who wronged me. I still feel that the feeling of betrayal (on my part) was justified. But recently, I’ve had this breakup with a friend. He lied to me for a year now, repeatedly (and so many other cruel things). And I was thinking of getting back at him just a few mins ago, but then it’s like…I chose peace instead of violence. I plan to just meditate and veil from now on. (So weird…since I’ve been having anger issues for a few months now due to my emotional neglect, and past abuse as well)

Not only that…but a few days ago I felt so ugly until one night I was taking a lot of pictures and realize I actually love myself and that I need no one. But even after I saw my inner and outer beauty, I craved validation, but then a few hours after that. I suddenly realized I need no one’s approval anymore. I’m my own everything. I’m all I ever needed and wanted.

This was all after I went into my past abuse and my current neglect. And I let it all out that…there’s no sugarcoating anything they’ve done to me. Even after having a lot of suicidal, and depressive thoughts after my 15th bday (I’m now 16, turned on Aug 23rd) I still defended them to an extent (my mom and aunt, and my abuser. And basically all my family) and now I know…that they were wrong for EVERYTHING that’s happened to me. And me accepting that has seemed to open my mind, and heart to things I’ve ignored in the past. Such as my self-worth, self-care, self-love. And self-approval.

It’s still weird how out of the blue it happened. I did readings and stuff but never knew the “change” was coming this soon, or that I’d be the change, If anything I thought new love was coming - and it did, it was just ME who decided after 8 years now that I was worth loving.

11 Likes

First of all, Happy Birthday!

Second, I feel the glory of your strength. You growth is inspirational. Having been set free from a toxic marriage, I know how quickly growth can happen. Sometimes it comes as a surprise, sometimes as a rush. There can be times when you feel a setback. There can be times when the pace of your growth is almost overwhelming. It’s all normal.

You are strong. You decide your future. You have support here. You are free to grow.

Blessed you. Blessed me. Blessed be!

9 Likes

Happy birthday @jada1 ! And good for you! It’s an awesome feeling isn’t it? Proud of you girl :revolving_hearts:

10 Likes

Thank you so much! I plan to move out as soon as I’m 18. I’ve wanted that since I was 10, when I wrote a runaway note to my mom and my family. Of course nothing changed after that. Like I was taken as a joke, almost. And it’s weird that whenever I talk about moving out when college starts. She tries to make excuses for me to stay longer. But then again she didn’t appreciate me much during my childhood, but when I bring it up she suddenly “values” and “cherishes” me. Weird as heck.

10 Likes

Yes it is! And thank you :smiley:

10 Likes

Happy birthday @jada1 I have and still do sit in a very similar situation. Even at 34. My mom is a covert narcissist and alcoholic and my dad is an abusive alcoholic and my estranged husband an abusive drug addict I try to take comfort in the law of 3 and that everything they do to hurt me comes back to them 3 times worse and pray that they’ll change. I also cast a circle of protection and go into a meditative state to remove the toxicity they bring to the table. But as @Undomeher stated you are strong and wise beyond your years and you have all of our support. I will keep you in my prayers and if no one else IRL is proud of you take comfort knowing that your family within the coven is

10 Likes

Happy 16th birthday! May this be a year of prosperity and growth .

10 Likes

Aw thank you so much! :heart: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

9 Likes

Thank you :smiley:

9 Likes
  1. If the abuse is still ongoing, please seek legal help. :policewoman: We do not want to see you hurt. :hugs:
  2. Happy belated birthday! :cupcake: :tada:
  3. I believe you have had strong feelings about baneful magic. (Many on here know my thoughts on the subject and I won’t repeat them here.) Nobody in this coven is asking you to change your beliefs. But… I’m happy you are also seeing the power of becoming your own person and standing up for yourself in new ways that don’t always strike back but still provide defense against toxicity.

I have learned a lot from your posts and I look forward to learning more from you in the future.

10 Likes

Happy belated birthday! You need to celebrate yourself at least once a day not once a year! You’re beautiful and you’re worth it! You’re young and have a lifetime ahead of you, although you’ve been through more things than most 16 year olds I know. Learn from the negativity, try to remember the signs to prevent future relationships that are ugly.

I’m so happy that you found love and peace for yourself! Isn’t it rewarding?! If you EVER need anything like anything at all, you message me right away!!! Don’t think about it! I’m here for you and so are many others who care! I have a son your age and I’d protect you just as I would him because you are part of my family here!! Xoxo

10 Likes

Happy belated birthday!

It’s been said that the best revenge is living well. So embrace this change and find joy in it! As @praecog29 said, do what you can to get the law involved if you’re able because once your abusers see that you’re over their stuff, they’ll reach to pull you back down. Don’t let them, you are better than that. One day you’ll look up and have a wonderful life and will have left them behind.

9 Likes

Jadal, yours is one of the most difficult ages to live through. Too young to be an adult and to old to be a child. You also have had to make choices no one should have to.
I’ve watched you grow from a frightened child, angry, bitter, into a strong self loving, young woman. Stay strong and accept that you aren’t what anyone says you are, you’re light is too bright and your courage is your shield.
Sending you strength and love
blessed be, Garnet
Happy belated birthday!
I hated my 16th birthday.
Mama and I planned this big party…and only 3 people showed up. To this day, I rarely invite people to my house and never have parties. You’re stronger than I am. Don’t let the past shape you. You have too many exciting adventures to look forward to in your Tomorrows.

8 Likes

First things first- happy birthday @jada1! :partying_face: :heart:

What a powerful revelation, Jada- it sounds like you looked deep into yourself and found exactly what you needed. You went through a big metamorphosis in a short amount of time, and emerged with a fresh new outlook and a burst of self love- that is amazing and I feel really proud of you! :clap:

Treasure yourself and all of the things that make you the wonderful person that you are. May your magick shine brightly and continue to guide you confidently forward on your path- lots of love and light to you! :heart:

8 Likes

Tysm! :heart: I have really changed within a short period :grimacing: But for the better :smiley:

5 Likes

Thank you for your kindness :heart:

5 Likes

Thank you. For both the birthday wishes, and your positivity in general :heart:

5 Likes

You’re welcome sweet lady!!! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

5 Likes

Your welcome my friend!

4 Likes