Just plain stupid or to clever for my own good!

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Suicidal thoughts keep coming. I should be happy for what I have, yet not satisfied.Have I overgrown my body or mind?
Because I’m an earth sign keep thinking about all I leave behind.
This might just be a a cry wolf or the last straw.
I am so weak, I keep thinkinging I could end my life with an overdose.
I’m a coward, I need alcohol to keep me going. Yet is not enough. Think I need something stronger.
Is it weakness or plain madness?
I’m in a relationship 7-7. Is like looking in a mirror.
Some days I think I just had enough.
How far I can go?
I you with the idea of ending it all. It’s like a rib stake undone!
Anyway, perhaps will fell better tomorrow.
When pain is numb.

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I have been where you are. I have done a lot of work to get to where I am today.

It is important to remember that you are loved, worthy, and you need to push those intrusive thoughts out and finding out that you are stronger than they are. Tell yourself you are stronger, you’ll come to realize it.

As far as what we can do to help, we can be your support system. You can always reach out to me if need be. I will even send you my phone number so you and I can text or snap each other to make sure you’re doing well.

Have you sought out therapy for your suicidal thoughts? It works wonders to have someone professional to talk to as well as having your support system.

As for if you’re looking for witchy recommendations, a break-toxic-habit spell and a self-love spell might do you well. But as with all spells, you must be willing and able to put in the work if you want to manifest your better outcome. I specialize in self-love spells, so if you want or need it, I can definitely help out.

I hope you start to feel alive again soon. I will put you in my thoughts. <3 Remember this though, you are important, valid and valued. Don’t forget that.

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I am going to bear my soul along with you so I can help you and reach out :heartpulse: I have attempted suicide before , I did not succeed and that is the best thing that ever happened to me (the surviving not the attempting) apart from having my children. I, like you, had the thoughts in my head for months and I couldn’t shake them, I convinced myself it must be what I really wanted if I still felt it for so long. But the moment I did what I did I had an instant rush of needing to live and I got help :heartpulse: You are a beautiful person, flaws and all :heartpulse: Our darkest moment may help define us but they are not who we are :heartpulse: We are all here for you and if you need to talk because the urge is there please reach out to us again :heartpulse:

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I survived an attempt when I was 16 and it’s a strange feeling that comes back once in a while. Having that option of disappearing completely calms me down and makes me feel as if I’m in control again when it just becomes too much. Nietzsche said it best:

Read this: Suicide: Read This First to understand that suicide happens when emotional pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

Go outside and move. It can be really hard but it’s vital. If possible, get some sunshine or Vitamin D drops. This has been a long winter.

Talking with friends and family can help some, but not for everything. There’s always past history or uncertainty or even their own issues that can get in the way. Often it is easier to speak to a stranger as there is no past baggage when talking to them. Ideally trained professionals, who can help even more. The number to call (free) in the UK is 116 123.

You are important and a worthwhile person to all of us, Basil.

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@Francisco. Thank you.
I’ve inherited my mum’s depression. Thought being a Taurus would help my isolation, bu finally has cought up.
Getting it off my chest by talking do not help in the long run. Cards show that I need to take action, but I’m a coward. I go through life trying to avoid conflict but at the end of the day, only hurt myself!
I’ve been playing the victim card for as long as I remember.
They say Taurus stay in pointless relationships longer than any other signs.
I need to make it work to my advantage, because leaving is not an option ( not yet).
This is gonna be hurtful and might take some work.
Blessed be :taurus:

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@Francisco. Just read the whole column, thanks.

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@Liisa
All started to come to the surface since I watched astrologia humanistica on YouTube.
The conflict between Venus and Mars.
I have to express my creativity.
Venus in Taurus is about loving myself.

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@basil I don’t know what to say. I’m not good at things like this. But know I am here for you, and we love you. You are strong and you can push through this. I promise, life can and will get better, especially if you want it to. Reach out and the Goddess will reach back and help you, I feel that. It might be difficult but you can do this. I have faith in you.

I found this number for suicide prevention in the UK, I hope it works for you. If you need to talk to someone in person, well, they are there to help you. You’ve reached out to us, and we love you for it. Reach out again if you need to, and maybe they will have the help you need.

Samaritans UK & Ireland offer 24-hour emotional support to anyone in distress or at risk of suicide throughout the UK & Ireland. They have 201 branches open 365 days a year, where people can also talk in person.
Tel: 116 123

I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. :pray: :candle:

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@autumn7
Thanks!
I went to cognitive therapy once. She said my thoughts were scrambled, I’ve quitted after the first session.
I thought I was clever than her🤭
Phoned Samaritans once, didn’t work for me. Might try again.
It’s been 2 years of a rollercoaster.
Perhaps need a real holiday, and He will pay for it!.

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You’re welcome! If you’re thoughts are scrambled, a therapist can help you straighten them out. This time last year I was in a deep depression and had to get my meds changed and talk therapy and everything. It can be annoying but they do want to help.

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@Amethyst
So she was on the right path then.
Taking about being :taurus: and lost in translation.
20+ years in UK and so much English to master :joy:

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@Francisco @Amethyst @autumn7 @Liisa
Just let you know I’m feeling better.
I’m hight “on steroids - Hormones” due to my upcoming fasting blood test.:grimacing:
The low sugar diet is killing me.
Not eating or sleeping properly.
Just pulled out the “Ansuz” rune. How about that for communication!

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Hello Basil – I was able to get help 4 years ago and I thought I was a lost cause. I know it’s hard to believe when you feel like this, but there really are solutions that work beautifully and a therapist can guide you through those. DBT, lifestyle changes, meds and therapy saved my life. It was a revelation for me to learn that not all of my thoughts were true. Those depression thoughts that say you are a coward, etc. are not true. It’s like a chemical mix up, not you! Is it okay with you if I share some quick fixes just for tonight? Just to get by safely one more day? Maybe one of them will help. If you find you are feeling numb, a trick is to do something that is opposite action but is not harmful. For example, hold an ice cube in your hand, chew gum, brush your teeth or drink some lemonade or herbal tea (peppermint is very good for depression – I sometimes rub a peppermint lip balm on my wrists). These sensations may help bring you back out of any numbness/dissassociation you may be experiencing when you feel this way. You would think numb is better than pain but numb is not a good place to be very long. The big key to getting through the worst, apart from going to sleep or to the hospital, is to try to distract yourself from your pain until you are in a better time and place to deal with it. If that does not work, it is ER time. Some distracting activities: watch a funny pet YouTube videos, “I.T” or a scary movie. Scary movies can be therapeutic! Walking outside (as mentioned), so helpful. Don’t recommend driving or drinking alcohol, though. For me, coloring or doing a craft with my hands helps a lot. Another thing: just do one teeny tiny thing you can finish. It might be putting 1 dish in the dishwasher or saying one affirmation. or putting on one sock, After you finish that, do another teeny tiny thing. Don’t try and focus on anything else. Finishing small tasks makes you feel successful and capable and helps with feeling overwhelmed. It’s okay to go the ER even if you aren’t 100% sure you need to. It’s not bad at all. When I went, people were very kind to me. Sometimes, you can get a short term medication to help you get by until you get an appointment and you may get connected with services even more quickly after an ER visit. They WANT you to come in so they can help you. Suicidal thoughts that won’t go away is a medical emergency and people at the ER usually understand that. I think something like 1 out of 5 people struggle with depression, anxiety or another condition, so there is not shame. You aren’t alone! Take care, I will be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way! :slight_smile:

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Hello @basil ,

No matter the amount of emotional pain you may be in now please do not attempt to kill yourself…I’ve had that moment in the past where I also wanted to flee and end it all in an instant. I never really had a therapist even til now (explains a lot as to why I developed symptoms of Co Dependency and PTSD in the past and sometimes it shows up in the present, I had no one to turn to in the past).

There is something called the fight or flight mode of the brain, depending to the one affected by it there are those who choose flight mode, others choose fight mode. Then there’s also that inner criticism voice which states a lot of negative statements about yourself…one of the best ways to deal with that is self compassion, it’s the antidote for it as long as you will need it to be.

Also about being a coward, I’ll send some quotes below this sentence which will hopefully give inspiration in its different forms, in the hopes that perhaps you’ll find connection and relief from it too:

“Fear is not evil. It tells you what your weakness is, And once you know your weakness, you can become stronger as well as kinder.” - Gildarts of Fairy Tail

“If you’ve got time to fantasize about a beautiful ending, why not live beautifully until the end?” - Gintoki Sakata

“The night is the darkest just before dawn. But keep your eyes open. If you avert your eyes from the dark you’ll be blinded by the rays of a new day. So keep your eyes open, no matter how dark the night ahead may be.” -Gintoki Sakata

“Sometimes , it’s necessary to look back at the past in order to move on in the future” - Sougo Okita

“We’re all suffering in agony with our own troublesome lives. Sometimes it comes into tears, When that happens let it all flow as much as it wants. If it still doesn’t stop flowing, then we’ll come and mop it up” -Gintoki Sakata

“You’re absolutely right. I can’t do anything alone. Everyone has their flaws & imperfections, but that’s what drives us to work together…To make up for those flaws . Together, we make the perfect main character” -Gintoki Sakata

“Tears are how our hearts speaks when our lips cannot describe how much we’ve been hurt” - Jellal Fernandes

“The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did” - Jellal Fernandes

Quick note: Those quotes are not mine, its from its respective authors of comics or manga and animated series. I’m not paid by any of the owners of Fairy Tail or GinTama to share their work even though I’m someone who is considered as one of their fans too. Blessed Be, Margaret

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@anne2 @mary25
I thank you both, and the group, for reaching out. I have found both posts very interesting. I have read both twice, so far, and will comeback for future reference.
I’m flickering the pages of this book that I’ve had on my shelves awhile ago.


Years ago got my first natal chart.
It’s taken me 20 years to reflect and understand it.
An interesting point is: bad mental habits learn in infancy.
Not trying to blame my parents and forgiving them, been through that many times.
Watching some videos about moon & sun in my natal chart, has helped me to understand my parents flaws and my shortcomings.
As a Taurean, not saying that we are all the same, enjoy procrastination and the use of alcohol to numb physical and mental pain.
Watch horror movies to distract my mind.
And let my tears flow. Finally fall sleep and live to fight another day.
I have work to do, these symptoms can not be ignored.
I’ve got a coldsore on my upper lip, something did not have in years.
My immune system is down again.
Need to make another post. There’s so much to talk about. Not just me, a lot of people suffering in silence same symptoms or worse.
Blessed you all for your kindness :two_hearts::taurus::pray:

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@mary25. Just read about CBT & DBT.
Thanks. Will follow this up!:smiley::pray::dove:

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@anne2
Love, all the quotes, my favourite has to be: The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest.
Have you seen a lonewolf smiling as He walks away?
Learn to chose which battles to fight and live today fight tomorrow.
I’m a lonewolf too.:dog2::fox_face:

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I’ve been in that depressed place for so long. I saw @mary25 recommended CBT and DBT. I started there and I haven’t turned back. Coping skills have helped me tremendously! When you feel like your not feeling right, do something else like distractions, pour cold water over your head (I’ve the sink/bath), anything that would change perspective. Coping skills saved me more times than I could remember!!!

Seriously, we are all here for you!!! Thanks to @Amethyst you have numbers and we have your back for the support. Keep your head up bc we need you!!!

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@christina4
The trouble with me as a Taurean is that, in such occasions, I relish the devil card. I can choose to free myself from these addictions, yet it’s easier to stay in the dark side.
When my sugar levels get very low or inject too much Novorapid, keep thinking, another turn of the scre and that’ll be it.
Not return for me!
When depression strikes, nightime means dying in my sleep.
I also have interesting dreams.
Over the years I have learnt to protect myself inside a bubble against external influences and people.
I know it’s not healthy, but keeps me safe from vampires or me being too needy.
I’m using the Hermit card a lot!
What’s interesting about 2 number 7s living together is that I don’t realise that is like looking at my own reflection in the mirror.

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I’ve never seen an actual wolf @basil , I’ve seen videos or pictures but to be able to end up close to one in person, not yet, Jellal Fernandes in Fairy Tail is a troubled soul with a harsh past too, as for me I would prefer Gintoki’s quotes, GinTama has its own legendary level in Japan in the same way Attack on Titan can stand on its own. If I were to choose one it’s impossible for both made its own story and leaves a legacy to its viewers

I have learned just from today and the past that there’ll always be someone who will be completely disrespectful and will state a lot of offensive statements which makes even those with a high tolerance sigh or finally fight back. It just so happens I chose the 2nd option to the on I private messaged today

The guy from there may have taken a break from me for now, probably figured out that no matter how much he’d attempt to sway me back to the normal faith it won’t work. I can leave a bunch of questions and statements for him to attempt making sense of by his assumptions…it’s almost fun making him think I’d do something to him when I won’t, my idea of pranks is either a childish prank that involves food which others may think its another flavor when its actually Matcha Green Tea (too many have fallen for that trap already and their faces are engraved to my memory) or the one I just did to him

Although I’m pretty sure I have a handle or grasp of what the consequence/s of my actions at him will be spiritually. I’ve seen some in the majority faith of this country use their deity’s name to curse / hex (without them actually accepting that what they’re doing is actually magick) the one of an oppossing belief from theirs or the beloved ones the one of a minor faith in a fit of anger. Been there and done that in the past as one so I do know or have an understanding of what sort of backlash that could be sent my way spiritually by this believer. I’ll have to recast that health protection charm for my parents, grandmother, brother and the dog tonight just in case he really does end up sending out a hex that could target any of them too

As for me? Don’t worry too much I have a spell casted in me that if someone sends a malicious or harmful spell my way it’s sent back to its caster threefold. In a way PTSD symptoms really taught me to always be prepared too for any attacks which is why I did that. If they don’t hurt me or anyone I care for, they won’t be hurt its as simple as that. Treat me with respect and I’ll return the sentiment back to you too

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