Hope everyone has a Happy New Moon. Im just in a “do me” kind of mood today, not really doing much, I’m mentally processing somethings which I guess is in relation to this glorious moon’s energy. This situation involves my daughter in law of which has been such a turbulent and toxic encounter the last 8 years. I am feeling that I need to let go of the hurt and damage she has done or assisted in doing to me and my family. Pretty much because I’ve tried numerous attempts at pushing aside my true feelings just to get along with her for the sake of everyone else and each time she will either lie, deceive, or manipulate me or a situation and I just get so pissed off that I have to just shut her out of my life for a bit. But now, after our last interaction where I texted her and said I’m done trying to form any kind of connection with her due to her lies and her inability to own any damage she causes, I told her I didn’t need a relationship with her to maintain one with my grandkids. She has now shown me that I do, because she has become the wedge between my grandsons and I.
So tonight as I sit here, I once again am thinking it’s me who has to step up and attempt at maintaining some sort of civil manner in which to deal with her. But this is so exhausting, because I just feel like the more chances I give her the more times she impacts my life in a negative way, but do I just allow her to poison my grandsons against their Grandparents and Aunts? I’m trying to really just soul search within myself to see if I can even do this again…At what point is enough enough and what will I lose or gain from it?
Sorry for rambling…
But thanks for the ear or eyes rather… 
Blessed Be, 
It sounds like a really tricky situation, @Rowan. You have clearly tried many times and poured lots of energy into trying to maintain a relationship with your daughter-in-law. It sounds to me like you have reached a point where it is clear she is unwilling to give, despite how hard you have tried. It looks like continuing to pour your energy into the situation will only continue the cycle of frustration, anger, and conflict.
Rather than continue to stress yourself with this person, perhaps it is time to step back from her. For good this time. It can be hard to ignore goading and instigation, especially when someone has something that we want. But spinning around endlessly in the cycle will get neither of you nowhere.
People do change, but it’s not something that can be forced by others. If your daughter-in-law has a revelation about her behavior and wants to reconcile in the future as a different person, you will likely have to leave that up to her.
I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but can you take the energy you were spending on your daughter-in-law and instead direct it entirely towards mainting your bond with your son and grandkids? This may mean calling them when you know your daughter-in-law isn’t around. Or inviting them over for some mother/son and nana/grandkid only time.
It’s a very tricky situation and I’m so sorry her bad energy has been causing you such hardship. Wishing you all the best and I hope you can find a way forward that reduces conflict!
Lots of love and light to you 
I like what @BryWisteria mentioned. And there’s always the possibility of taking her to court for visitation! You have that legal right as the grandparent!!! I’d ask her one last time and if not, that’s it…I’m going to the courthouse! Anyway whatever happens were here for you!!! I hope things can get settled soon!!!
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this situation because of other people’s actions 
I don’t know your daughter in law so I don’t want to judge too much but she doesn’t have the right to stop you from seeing your Grandchildren at all, even if she isn’t with their father anymore it matters not you still have legal grounds Hopefully she will soon realise she is only hurting the children by not allowing you to be in their lives We are always here for you
Thank you @BryWisteria and @christina4 , it is a really messed up situation.
They live in Indiana now, further away from me than before. I’ve asked my son if the boys could come stay a week or so with us in the summer, but he said he thinks that’s too far to be apart from them. Phone calls are just awkward it seems, like they’re afraid to say the wrong thing…I’ve sent envelopes with stamps for them to send me colorings they do, but nothing.
It’s to the point now I don’t know what kind of bull has been fed to them about us by her but there is a shift within that relationship with the boys. Which is sad because they used to love coming to Grammys. And would cry when they had to leave.
This is all because I call her out on her lies and manipulation, she can’t stand that I see her for who she is.
I’ve considered the courts, many times. I’m just afraid what kind of crap that would impose on the boys, because she nor my son are mature enough to shield them from adult conversations, meaning she would say anything she feels about that situation in front of them.
I appreciate all your advice and I think you’re right @BryWisteria too much has been done to expect any positive outcome from her.
I’ve been thinking of creating a memory book for the boys with all the pictures of our times together, places we’ve gone, etc. So as a way of reminding them how much we love them and all the good times. Maybe to shed a beacon of light instead of the dark lies or influence spewed by their mother.
Thanks Again
My heart goes out to you!! I think the memory book would be a perfect thing to do! Even write letters for when they’re older to explain your side. Just a thought. I pray and wish you the best 
Thank you,
Of course love!!! If you need to vent or just need someone to listen, message me, ok. Don’t hesitate, I love helping others!! Especially my Infinite Roots family!!!
@Rowan that sounds like a truly terrible situation. I like the memory book idea! Make one, keep one for yourself and one for them. Maybe have them sign for it when it’s sent so they feel even more important and you can make sure they get it. Good luck my dear!
This is such a beautiful idea- I love the sound of the memory box, @Rowan! 
You are so brave and strong for seeking positive ways out of this tricky situation. May the boys receive the memory box and always remember how much their nana loves them. Despite the physical distance, it will help to keep you connected 
Thank you @Liisa it isn’t right, I’ve said it’s messed up she tries to hurt me but in the same instance she is hurting the boys. Her and my son are still together, that’s the added bonus of hurt because he isn’t standing up for me or his dad/sisters. It’s not that I want him to pick sides or anything, but defending his parents and sisters against lies would just be right…I think at least.
Thanks
It would certainly make them feel special, I’m sure!
I totally agree with you, even if he does it for the children, it would be better if they had everyone in their lives I really hope they see sense 
Not to be the Devil’s advocate, but how many cheeks can you turn?
All of the suggestions mentioned above are very valid. Consider a Return to Sender not for revenge but for Karmic retribution. I’d do a protection spell for the boys and pray as they mature and have a mind of their own they will return to you.
Love is blind. I’ll light a candle and send power your way.
Blessed be and remember, each and every one of us is here for you.
Thank you @Garnet , I don’t think I have any cheeks left to turn, except my backside so she can kiss them.
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I appreciate your words of wisdom.