Somtimes i wonder if im just making up stuff using correspondances and hoping what im doing is actually going to work for my intentions but im learning to trust in my intuition and just giving things a go even if they may not work at least im trying things and seeing what works and what doesnt.
in the past i had been so tied up in abuse and lies from gaslighting that still was haunting me and i just felt the need to do something to cut that tie to the church i went to and that path that was not for me. Like Rapunzel from tangled suddenly having freedom from that toxic place and relationships i still doubt myself and have been so out of sort today.
my black candles burnt out so i was burning a white tea light but then had an idea and wondered about it but after pulling out 6 birthday candles (1 ea of blue, pink, orange, green, yellow and purple). and as the candle id been burning had some wax still in it i blew out the white candle after thanking it and then placed the 6 candles in the wax as it set.
i thought it could be initially a holder and i could burn each candle as needed but as i thought more about it the move on and proper '‘spell’ came to mind so i looked up the correspondance to the colours and found i could make it work. i could burn all the candles as a sort of cord cutting ritual. Id put together a music play list about walking away, hoping i could cut that cord or control or chain that i felt still was still tying me to that place and those people.
As i waited for the candles to set i had started to write what i thought would end up being a spell of sorts to say as the candles burnt but it turned into a bit of a poem. its been so long since ive written one so i just let the inspiration go and let it take it where ever it was going. the intention was there and even if its a poem i read as these candles burn i hope that it will be just as effective as saying a spell.
I’ll include correspondences below that I got from this site just incase wondering about them… the intention is to break free of any abuse and gaslighting etc and to be able to trust myself and continue on my new path and continue to heal and grown in this path to overcome what was done and to make a new life for myself aware from the toxicity of that place and those people and hope is there that i would not feel that there is still something holding me to them, that any remaining chains from their abuse would be cut and i would be free to move on take on a new chapter and path with confidence, peace and a sense of worth and to know that it is ok to trust my instincts, i wont always get it right, but they tried to make me think i was crazy, or that i couldnt trust my own instrincts or thoughts or feelings and should only listen to them. they say that i would only bring bad on my not being in the church and doing their Gods will but all i got when i was in church was abuse, rape and kidnapping and thats just in the last church and they still dont understand why i walked away. they say that i was only inviting evil spirits into my life by not doing gods will. im sorry i think they missed the point that in their church alone i was raped, abused and gaslit and kidnapped and they know id been abused in the past by the youth pastor at a previous church. They may not know i can do things to protect myself from evil or negative energies and spirits, well im learning to, its a process but its empowering and im trusting myself where i was defensless before relying on a god who didnt care about me and trusting people who had seemed to have good intentions but they were only trying to maintain control. im breaking that control, im cutting any left over ties and walking away into a better life, it may not be perfect, but i wont stay in a place so toxic where they want you defensless so you can be controlled and you have to rely on them, not when i can rebuild my confidence and self worth, find a future worth working towards and fighting for, im not going to be anyones door mat anymore, im no ones punching bag and im no ones puppet on a string. im feeling more worth and empowerment on this path, a sense of belonging and hope than i ever did before. thats not to say all christians are like that or that some people might find those things in the christian faith, all to them if they find that on their path, but this is my path, ill respect that others are on a different path even if they dont respest that im am finding my way and doing well. sometimes you have to wish someone well having done all you could to be kind and involve them in your life respecting the differences and celebrating similarities and trying to find a midde ground only to be shut down cause its their way or your somehow doijg something wrong. is it so worng not to want to be in a place or path that i have suffered so much trauma especially at that church, is it so wrong to want to live a life where i am able to see my own worth, trust and love myself and take care of myself and doing things that i am passionate about to help people rather than being tied in knots by people who just want to control people and your only worth something if they can do that. im not down for that. Freya has been helping me to see that i have worth, she doesnt like it if i talk down about myself, repeating words of my abusers in times of darkness. i know it wont be instantanous healing after one spell or ritual but i see this as the next step im taking on my path and i know i am not alone as my clan is watching over me and encouraging me to move into the light when i have been left in such darkness from the abuse from the church. This is me moving on an prospering in a new life and on a new path, even if i am walking it alone (other than my deities) at least im not being abused, raped or kidnapped and being told it was all in the name of the christian gods work or that he had sent them to me. Talk about messing with someones head. but i am finally seeing the truth, im walking a path of healing and new spiritual path with a clear and calm head adn into a life that is more positive and healthy. i wish them well, not harm, but i am done and im cutting ties… Anyways, ill list the colour correspondance below, maybe sharing this may help someone else who maybe not had same experiences but something similar to know that there is hope, you are worth more than the mistreatement of others and you deserve better than to be treated otherwise, you arent powerless, if your here, youll be learning there is things you can do to help yourself with certain intentions, its so empowering, so if you are struggling, take heart, hold on, you will get there, there is light at the end of the tunnel and there is a light even in the darkest of times even if sometimes we need to be the one creating that light. on that note, let these candles burn away the darkness of the past.
Colour candle correspondances
Yellow:
-
promote intellect
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mental clarity
-
knowledge
-
manifestation
Orange:
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success and prosperty
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emotional healing
-
positive thinking
-
ambition
Blue:
*spirituality
-
creativity
-
harmony
-
peace and calm
-
healing
Pink:
-
love (romantic love is listed but ive generalised this for my case to apply to situation)
-
friendship
-
relief from depression
-
balance
Purple:
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Psychic powers
-
spiritual development
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consciousness
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opportunity
-
awareness
green:
- material growth
- good luck
- grounding
woop now full moon was last night it’s a good time to do it. As I was feeling hot and finally finished washing I thought getting cleaned up before did spell/ritual would be a good idea then I realised it would be like cleansing away any negativity before doing this ritual/spell another addition to the ritual /spell just by going with my instincts and trusting myself. It’s exciting to start trusting yourself after so long. I think this spell or ritual had already started earlier today when first started on the playlist and then the candle n then the poem the dancing to the playlist and now cleansing and then finally doing the lighting of candles but I already feeling better. That’s why I think the ritual/spell feels it already started even if I hadn’t realised lol it’s exciting