My Daddy used to say “The boy needs a trip behind the barn.” But you can’t do that today.
At this point he has made some very poor decisions that are ill effecting his family. He is responsible for his actions. No one put a gun to his head and said do drugs or else. Patience is something you have given him in spades. As with the chronic alcoholic, there comes a time when you can no longer enable them. You tell him that you no longer will allow him to destroy his family, no more. He is your child and you will always love him, but he has to grow up and man up. Once he is no longer a minor, the judicial system won’t treat him so kindly, he may be destined for hard time.
As for your brother, I think that’s a wonderful idea! It might just give you the closure you need. So sorry about your Gran. I’ll keep her in my thoughts.
Take care my girl and remember your heart is good and you soul clean.
Be blessed. G