This post contains reflection regarding sexual abuse and healing from it. If you feel the need to skip reading this post, I understand WHOLEHEARTEDLY. Those who continue on, I hope this post can give you the feeling of support and that you are not alone. We are all together in some way on our healing journey.
Card 1(Four of Swords, “I take the time I need to rediscover my vitality”):
There is no need to rush. When I put myself in the vibration of doing everything as fast as I can, I end up with tasks or projects that are unfinished. My energy has become scattered, leaving a sense of incompletion and feeling energetically drained, not just physically but mentally and emotionally depleted too.
I’m reminded by this card to SLOW DOWN. To get back in touch with what brings me joy. To find whatever it is that I put my energy into that leaves me feeling spent or exhausted in a negative way… and instead rediscover what makes me feel fulfilled and brings back my vitality, my energy.
Card 2(Page of Pentacles, “I am open to opportunities for personal growth”):
I feel as if lately, the vibration I have put out is that of overwhelm, chaos/chaotic, ungrounded, and hasty. I haven’t kept my energetic field open to possibilities. I’ve kept myself in this loop of knowing the work I need to do to undertake some serious healing but I’m stuck. The feeling is like wearing cemented blocks that are encasing my feet. I’m still able to walk, but it’s slow, weighed down by the heaviness of the subject that requires healing.
This card is here to remind me that I am never alone. I have an enormous support system combined of family and friends, my guides, and all of the unseen forces that I feel all around me. I hold the key to the vibrations I send out into the world, the Ether. My expansion is so vast that it will cause others to feel hopeful about their paths to healing and encourage them to start their journey. My openness to opportunities for personal growth will be a beacon to others that they are not alone. That they are divinely guided so long as they are willing to be open. To keep themselves open to experiences, good and bad, for we always learn from both.
Trigger warning Be Advised.
Right away, this card tells me that while I have managed to acknowledge yet suppress the sexual trauma I experienced as a preteen, I need to start the healing process.
I’ve kept up the illusion of being “healed” by not shying away from telling my story. From being open and honest about what happened and sharing that in various conversations regarding that subject matter.
It is time now to drop the act, to lift the curtain of my illusion. I will not be healing only my trauma, but that also of my mother, and her mother, my Oma. I will undertake the healing of trauma from 3 generations. Knowing this brings back that weighted feeling, the heaviness on my feet and my shoulders. I believe this is a crucial part of my journey and has made itself CRYSTAL CLEAR to me because I am strong and I am willing to embark on my path to healing. For myself, for my mother, for my grandma.
The cycle of generational trauma STOPS with me.
Will this be hard? Oh yes it will. Are there going to be moments of weakness that will create thoughts of self-doubt? I’m sure of it. But, am I loved? Am I supported by those around me? Do I trust myself and have faith in my journey? ABSOLUTELY!!!
Aside from all the positive and powerful tools I will take away from this, I find an extreme amount of hopefulness in being an aide for my daughter whenever she comes face to face with various trials and tribulations she experiences in her life.
And this concludes my entry for the weekly challenge Foretelling the Future.
Blessed be my Spells8 family
Here is a link to part 1: (Part 1)Foretelling the Future challenge