Toxic Negative “mother “

I have a very toxic negative person who gave birth to me. I have always know she disliked me but two years ago she fell and broke her one hip only to break the other last year. My husband and I flew down to Florida to help my dad while she was recovering in the nursing home. We never left the apartment for five day except to purchase cleaning supplies. We cleaned the apartment top to bottom. She never said thank you. It was disgusting. I also went into the file cabinet to get copies of wills and POA’s so my sister and I would have copies in case of an emergency.

While in the file cabinet we found what we needed but there was a file for my sister with all her accomplishments all the way back to her engagement announcement, college and HS graduation stuff and professional accolades. Yes she has been successful but so have I, my cooking school won best in State, been on National TV, been in countless magazines and newspapers. I ALWAYS made sure I sent a copy to them.

Their apartment was filled with photos of my sister and her family. So as a joke we printed off photos of my family and put them all over the apartment…but we followed up with a calendar with a different photo each month. She threw it out.

I’m a crafter one of the things I do is weave. I have made her dish towels, she threw them out. Every single person I have given dish towels that I wove for them comments that they are the only ones that actually absorb quickly.

So as I type this I’m sitting in the airport after spending 5 days with them. I went with my husband my daughter and son in law and brand new baby granddaughter. It was their first time meeting her.

We do not stay with them so I did get a break from her. So I’m cleaning up from dinner and she started…your loading the dishwasher wrong, you can’t put that in the dishwasher, this is wrong that is wrong. So every time she would come over to correct and watch I would step back and place my hands in back of me. I would say as long as you are here I will stop working, I’m 58 years old, I run a cooking school I know how to load a dishwasher. My father finally got her to sit down (mind you she is 86 broke two hips and uses a walker). She did sit but on the edge of her seat while watching everything I did, so I went super slow. My father remarked to my husband who were sitting on the patio and were watching at this point, that she never misses Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy but she did that night because she did not go in her bedroom to watch it. I guess I was the evening’s entertainment.

When we left I said goodbye to my dad not to her. I just can’t. I’m done. I’ve done a cord cutting, I’ve meditated on not letting her take up space in my head but when I have to deal with her face to face my dislike for her all comes back. I also have a new response for her when she is doing something she should not be like eating ice cream…she is lactose intolerant and incontinent. To top that off she refuses to wear depends all the time. I tell her “the decisions you make effect all those around you”. I know I should just let it roll off my back but 58 years of conflict with her I’m just sick and tired of her.

What can I do? Thanks for reading this.



I’m so sorry your Mom isn’t a positive person for you. Have you thought of doing the cord cutting again? Other than that, and refusing to go see her, I don’t know what to say.


Greetings @malinda,

I am so sorry to hear that your mother has been treating you in this way. From your post, it looks like you have tried very hard over the years to bring her around to treat you better. I’m sorry that she has caused you so much unfair pain and grief- no one deserves to be treated that way, especially by someone they love.

Your situation with a toxic person echoes a bit of what @Rowan is going through, so I’ll share some of the same advice I offered to her. No matter how hard we try and how much we love someone, change is something only they are in control of. We all eventually reach a point where continuing to pour our energy and emotions on someone who refuses to budge only saps our strength and hurts ourselves.

The physical distance is one thing, but I would suggest you consider beginning the hard work of building emotional distance as well. The love and kindness you have could be directed towards strengthening other bonds- with your father, your partner, your daughter, son-in-law, and beautiful new baby granddaughter, as well as fostering self-love for yourself. You have so many loving and dear people around you- people who will hopefully mirror that love and light that you have to give, in the way that you deserve :star2:

I am sorry to hear about the struggles with your mother, and I hope you can move away from her cloud of negativity to strengthen the other bonds of light and joy within your life.

Many blessings and much love to you, @malinda! :pray::heart:


She was on to you! Those shows are like glue to my family, too!!!

I’m sorry that you’re going through basically what I am. In a way. I can familiarize myself with you. Grounding is important!! I use crystals but there are many ways. I’m in a rush to leave right now but I’ll post again with grounding tools and so on. Keep your head up high bc we have your back in this family!!! I’ll pray for you and light a candle. I’ll also add you to my healing box and I’ll make a grounding crystal grid for you. :muscle::two_hearts: