Okay, the name is silly. It is a line from the movie Stripes that makes me smile, and smiles are positive. (Made you look, didn’t it? 
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As a first year witch, I am accumulating gear, but still sometimes do not have what I need for various spells. So I made this quick, basic protection spell. Feel free to modify as it suits you.
You’ll need:
A black candle (substitute white if you don't have black)
A dish or bowl
Rosemary (Tip: easy to grow, great for cooking, smells nice. I water mine with a little moonwater from my rituals saying "Receive the blessing of the Goddess, little friend" or something similar)
Ground Cinnamon
Thyme
Oil. Your choice, I used good old Olive.
Cleanse your tools.
Mix your herbs (exact amounts do not matter. We’re not baking! Equal portions is fine) and oil in your dish or bowl. Some might say stir widdershins, but because I am bringing my intent to the mixture I mixed it with my finger d… deo… uh, clockwise. Three times, thirteen times, whatever works for you. The whole time focusing on my intent for protection.
Then, I annoint the candle from middle to top saying, “I annoint this candle for my protection.” Then, I annoint the candle from middle to end saying, “Protect me from negative energy.”
At your altar you can place the candle in a holder, or what I do since my holder is basically a metal dish and my candles are slender, light the candle and tip it so the wax drips onto the plate, then set your candle in the wax before it hardens.
If you have time to cast a circle and call the corners, feel free. Otherwise, don’t worry about it.
Call the Light: close your eyes and envision the light of the Goddess, the Universe, or whoever your Source is, growing anf glowing about you.
Ground yourself. Normally, I dip my finger in a bit of water, imagine roots growing from my feet to tap into the energy of the earth, branches growing from my head to embrace the air and the fire of my spirit connecting them all. Take a few breaths. Light your candle or candles if you haven’t already.
Say three times:
“By the power of the Ladies (Goddess, Universe, whatever your source) that I revere,
And the Elements I hold dear,
All negative energy I now clear.
Ill will and influence I cast away,
I will be protected all this day.”
Toss in a “An it harm none, so mote it be!” at the end.
Take a moment to imagine a protective image. For me, it was an old fashioned Tweety-bird cage made of light rather than metal, with the sides spiralling down rather than straight lines. Snuff out your candle and use it again tomorrow, if you wish. It took more time to write this than it did to do the spell.
If you feel something during the day begin to challenge you, take a long blink (not too long or someone might think you’re weird) and see your protective image flash to repel and repulse the negative, like a spiritual bug zapper. Flies and lies need not apply.
We are not Watusi.
We are witches.
Love, Light and Laughter, my friends.
Blessed Be!
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This is beautiful spellwork written in a very fun way. Have you ever considered writing a spell book? You’ve got a knack for dazzling your readers! 
