9/9 Portal

markzen304 · September 9, 2026, 3:08pm

Crossing the 9/9 Portal: Reclaiming My Peace, My Truth, and My Path

Hello everyone,

I wanted to share where I’m at today on this 9/9 portal, especially after reflecting on the latest episode of Eye of Wisdom. In numerology, nine represents completion—the closing of an old cycle to clear the space for what comes next. That message hit home because I have arrived at an undeniable crossroads in my life.

For 46 years, I’ve carried heavy scripts that weren’t mine to begin with. I’ve realized that I spent decades caught in patterns of manipulation and unequal expectations within my family. While my sister seemed to live by an entirely different set of rules, I became the caregiver—carrying the load, running the errands, managing appointments, and showing up through health crises, constantly waiting for a balance or understanding that never came. Eye of Wisdom spoke directly about letting go of the “fixer” or “survivor” identity and breaking free from “invested time”—realizing that pouring years into trying to earn basic respect doesn’t mean you have to keep paying for it with your future peace.

That same pattern followed me into my marriage. When my wife came back into my life after dating years ago in the early 2000s, I took it as a sign. I envisioned a beautiful Yin and Yang, fire and water balance where we could honor our differences and teach each other. Instead, I found myself in familiar territory: manipulation, “my way or no way,” and having the spiritual path that feeds my soul dismissed.

I have always found the sacred in the sky, the sun, the moon, and the stars. Astrology, meditation, crystals, ritual, reincarnation, and honoring the unseen are fundamental to who I am. To have that called “devil worship” or told to “grow up” because it doesn’t align with rigid dogma has turned my own home into a place without peace or joy. Between an unsupportive environment at home and the raw, heavy reality of my daily caregiving work—standing beside people facing strokes, cancer, and the end of life—I’ve realized that running on empty while pouring into everyone else has run its course.

The Eye of Wisdom episode reminded me that real closure doesn’t require an apology or a picture-perfect ending. Sometimes it’s simply an internal line drawn in the sand.

At 46, I will no longer be told who I am, how to worship, or what my spirit is allowed to believe. With this 9/9 energy and the Autumn Equinox approaching, I am stepping out of the cycle of carrying everyone else’s burdens at the expense of my own spirit. I am choosing to be the guardian of my own energy, welcoming only peace, grounded joy, and authentic truth into my life.

Thank you all for always being such a kind, warm, and supportive circle. Having a space where I can simply be myself means more than words can say.

Blessed Be

Like always, my words, my thoughts, my life. With the help of Gemini AI I’ll be looking at the board drill today and I’m 10: 00am to midnight

georgia · September 9, 2026, 3:42pm

I am so proud of you for your realizations! Good job! Now comes the work of enforcing it. You can make it through this. It will be hard at first because people won’t like to see you change. But you aren’t really changing inside- you are becoming your true self.

markzen304 · September 9, 2026, 4:38pm

Stepping Into My Passions: Nature Photography & Spiritual Care in End-of-Life Support

Hey everyone,

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the encouragement here about my eye for photography, and I feel ready to bet on myself. Capturing the natural world—the sun, moon, stars, skies, waters, and the elemental energy of the outdoors—has always been a deep calling for me. I’m starting to take concrete steps toward sharing my work with the wider world, whether that means publishing prints, setting up an online presence, or eventually building toward a dedicated studio space.

Alongside that creative path, another meaningful door has opened up in my caregiving work. A supervisor who knows my personal beliefs and approach to care recently brought an incredible evidence-based framework to my attention: the Spiritual Care Guide in Hospice and Palliative Care.

It resonated with me immediately because it focuses on universal human spirituality—meeting people where they are, regardless of formal religious background, during life’s most profound transitions.

Core Pillars of the Framework

Meaning and Purpose: Helping individuals navigate existential questions and find significance in their lived experiences.
Interconnectedness: Nurturing deep bonds with loved ones, the community, and the broader natural world.
Transcendence: Creating space for inner peace, hope, and healing that extends beyond physical circumstances.

Key Care Goals

Supporting patients and families as they process grief and find peace.
Fostering emotional reconciliation and restoring relationships near the end of life.
Providing compassionate, non-religious spiritual support rooted in dignity and presence.

Putting It Into Practice

Conducting periodic spiritual screenings and assessments to meet evolving emotional and existential needs.
Working collaboratively across the care team—alongside nurses, chaplains, and social workers—to treat the whole person, not just physical symptoms.

Whether it’s framing the quiet beauty of the natural elements behind a camera or holding grounded space for someone at the end of life, both paths connect back to presence, meaning, and honoring the journey.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or advice—either on getting nature photography out into the world or integrating holistic spiritual support into patient care.

Sitting here at hospital with my client while he getting his chemo treatment. Puts life into perspective quick. Once again, my words and help by Gemini AI.

markzen304 · September 9, 2026, 4:43pm

Enforcing it… That’s on me and only me to make happen

Moonbeam · September 9, 2026, 7:19pm

@markzen304

I do understand this as I have had a very strained relationship with my Dad from birth. He did not want me I was unplanned. I had a very traumatic birth and my Mum was told that I might not survive my body was breaking up inside her. I was in Hospital for a while and the day I could home my Dad wanted to leave there as he had planned to go out! I discovered this in my Mum’s diary after she passed to spirt.

He used to compare me to my elder Brother academically and would tell me to try harder. My Mum used to treat us both the same and would pick me up when he knocked my confidence. When I left School he said I should get any job my Mum encouraged me to go to College and became a Chef. The hours were long and I decided to retrain again he said I could not do it. I was 21.

At that time my Mum received a telephone call to say that my Dad was having an affair for 12 years my Brother had left home by then my family fell apart. I supported my Mum until she was pension age. As I took my Mum’s side my Dad has never forgave me..

I have tried to repair our relationship and had even accepted his second wife (same woman) finding out he had remarried 2 years later and had stated in their divorce that our family home would be sold if my Mum remarried. She never did as she still loved my Dad. My Mum encouraged me to try to work it out with him.

There is one particular event that upset me the most was I cried on my Wedding Day. As you may know just me and Husband married in Zakynthos. I had ordered bouquets for both mothers and my Dad’s second wife, handmade scrolls and champagne so when we telephoned we could have a toast. When I telephoned my Dad to see if he had received what I had ordered he just said that he should have been there not just a telephone call. I felt awful. I did not let it spoil our day. I never received a card. I had organised a family reception at our home upon our return I was in my Wedding Dress cooking Greek Food it was lovely but he did not come.

I used to see my Dad every two weeks he visits my Brother every week. When he comes he just hovers and looks at his watch frequently trying to do it so I didn’t notice. He stops precisely 40 mins then goes. Sometimes he just doesn’t turn up leaving me wondering if he is ok. I look so much like my Mum and I think that I make him feel uncomfortable. His second wife passed a couple of months before my Mum and he has not accepted it at certain times of the year if I ring he puts the phone down.

I last saw my Dad on the 3rd December the visit was the usual he did say that he was going to make a Will he is 85 and wanted to know who to contact at my place of work. I have also prepared Wills as a Para-Legal and went through everything they would ask him. My Brother called around on the 4th. I was discussing my conversation and he said he had made one 2 years ago and that he was the Executor and that my Nephew was the other. I was shocked as I had helped with both his second wife affairs stood in Court and put questions to the Judge as she passed away after surgery. He knows that I am capable but has chosen my Nephew. I know he is very close to my nephew and my niece takes them out and has took my niece out on driving lessons. He categorically refused me. I am happy that he has a good relationship with them as they can keep an eye on him for me.

I think my Brother has told him that I know and he has decided to not come. I have received no phone call, no contact since the 3rd December. He has never said he loved me or acknowledged that I am capable of anything I feel that I have been a disappointment all my life.

I made the difficult decision to let him go with all my love to live his life. I love my Dad but I don’t like him as a person with constant lies, being put in a separate box. I know in my heart that I have done all I can and I am at peace with that. When he left my Mum he left me behind too so I am stranger really. I have no regrets. I am proud of the woman I have become, confident, positive, balanced with the love, support of my Mum. We had such a special bond and still do even though she is in spirt in a letter she had left me she said that she would love me for eternity. She does every day with messages, signs I receive.

I hope this helps. What I am trying to say is that you choose what you want to become, do not let the past events shape your future. No matter how hard you try unless they want
to change themselves we have to accept it and move forward. Believe in yourself

Amethyst · September 9, 2026, 10:30pm

I’m so glad for you! Sometimes it takes a while to break away from old patterns, but it feels so good when you do! It’s a great time of year to shed the old and get ready for the new! Good for you!

markzen304 · September 9, 2026, 10:51pm

Indeed, my friend . I’m sorry to turn this board into a therapy thread lol , but my outlook on life shifted today , and I’m riding this wave of positivity into my dying days .But thank you once again for the positivity all the good vibes all the good suggestions all the good rituals spells anything that you guys shared on this board has been very valuable and very grateful and very helpful to me in this time . I think and bless you all.

Amethyst · September 9, 2026, 10:57pm

Hey, if that’s what you need, we’re here for you! Sometimes you just need to talk. If there’s anything I can do to help you out, let me know!

Greenbriar · September 10, 2026, 2:48am

I’m so proud of you for coming to this realization and making the decision to honor your own true self. Now is a great time to shed old patterns and make way for something new and more in tune with who you really are inside.

I wish you the best with your new creative venture. Your photography is outstanding and obviously deeply personal and important to you. I don’t have any advice to give on that score - all I can do is wish you success.

And things are truly aligning for you with the information about the Spiritual Care Guide in Hospice and Palliative Care. I don’t know anything about that, but reading the core pillars of the framework, I’m not surprised it resonated so strongly with you.

Blessed Be!