So I started on my path last year, in October actually but I’ve been busy and finally sat to think about it now. Since that time I’ve noticed a lot of things.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. Yes I’m on meds but it didn’t really solve anything. I still had my ‘dark times’ and times when the anxiety really took over. Since I started to meditate regularly, work with my crystals and just all around focus more on myself at times, my depression is more in control and the anxiety is non existant, for now anyways. I find that I’m more calm, less quick to anger and just all around more at peace.
In regards to my exterior life-- I no longer worry about tomorrow. I used to be scared of no money, losing my home, etc. Stuff that could happen but most likely wouldn’t but I still worried. I now know that my Goddess Coventina is there and I have my ways easing those worries. Doesn’t mean that something unexpeced won’t happen but I try to just focus on the current day, plan as much as I can and just not worry as much as used to. I try to stop being the worry wort I was known for being.
Me as a person, when it comes to how I handle negativity is a huge change. I know have boundaries. I never did before. I was a people pleaser, I tried to please EVERYONE and it was not working out. I have parents that, hate to say it, had narcissistic tendancies. I didn’t know how to say no to them as I wasn’t raised to say no them. If they wanted to ask the intrusive questions, I would answer those questions even if it meant I felt like I was giving info I didn’t want to. My legal issues with my ex husband, my money issues, etc. I would answer and deal with them telling me how to live my life. Or when the get mad that I didn’t give them money when I came into extra.
Being witchy and admitting I’m Celtic Pagen has helped me find that backbone I needed. I learned that I don’t have answer to them, that I am my own person and can be who I want. I found a strength and am so grateful for finding this path, this group and the friends in person that helped me make this decison. I have also learned that family isn’t just blood. They are those that have been there for you and not judged you.
Which is why I have had ot make the decision to completely cut my one sister out of my life. She was negativity that I didn’t need. And it wasn’t going to improve at all. She will not change in the negative interpretation of me that she has created. So I have learned to let that go. I have friends that will fill that ‘sibling’ void and that is okay. Sad but okay.
Just wanted to put that there. I am more confident than I have been in a very long time. And I don’t plan on changing anytime soon