Merry meet Nyxie Rose @Nyxie_Rose,
I’m Bry, a moderator here in the forum- wishing you a very warm welcome! 
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses last year. Devoting time and energy to your magickal studies seems like a great way to turn your focus to something happier- and I imagine that, through your magickal work, you can find empowering ways to honor their memory too (if you so choose). May it be a long and blessed path that brings you much joy! 
If you’d like to change your username to reflect your preferred/magickal/other name, it’s easy to do so! There is a guide you could follow here: How to Change Your Name and Username on Spells8. If you need any help, just say the word and I (or another Mod) will be happy to assist 
Please make yourself at home here! I hope to talk with you more soon
Blessed be! 