i’m a newbie baby witch and something happened 2 days ago that really stuck with me.
Long story short: I have a friend that is a heretic, and he is also in a Gemini Coven.
He knows that I love Wicca and I self-initiated in it through this beautiful website.
He told me he can tell me what type of magick I have and after the “spell-ritual” thingy that he did, he told me that my Magick or “power”- as he likes to call it, is purple.
Which apparently means that I’m a normal witch - I have both light and dark Magick inside of me.
But my magick is “locked inside my heart”. He said that I locked it in and it’s because the trauma that I’ve been through.
On a psychological level (because I go to therapy) my mind and heart created this protection mechanism that helps me cope with what I’ve been trough and basically makes me emotionally numb for a period of time until I’m strong enough to face what happened. Thus I locked everything inside.
I do a lot of shadow work daily and its really hard, but I know it’s for my highest good.
But he told me a lot of hurtful things while trying to find my type of Magick, like I don’t trust anyone, not even myself or that I don’t love myself etc.
The most hurtful thing that he told me is that everything I’ve studied until now ( he saw my book of shadows with all of my notes about Wicca ) and even Wicca is not real and it’s not Magick.
And that everything that I did until now (like affirmations or protection Wiccan symbols) were not real and didn’t work since my magick is locked… and he can feel where magick is and apparently where I drew the symbols he didn’t feel anything, therefore my home & I are not protected.
The thing is since I started doing affirmations a couple of months ago my life completely changed, but he made me doubt myself now…
He told me to throw all my notes away and to start doing “real witchcraft”.
I even asked him how can I unlock it, but he said that he can’t help me with that.
The situation left me with a lot of self-doubt and doubt in general.
With a lot of pain and guilt because I don’t know how to unlock my Magick and I started to be really angry with myself.
One thing is for sure, I love Wicca and to be Wiccan. For once in my life I feel like home and that I have a family.
But what happened really hurt me and I don’t know why and what to believe anymore.
If you took the time to read everything I’ve written, I thank you so much and I would appreciate so much if you could help me in any way with anything about what happened.