@jada1 I feel you and I know where you are coming from. It is true that in life we are made so different but because of fear and experiences we are often shaped into things that aren’t right or good for us.
By your apologies I trust this is a good step, and I am happy you did. 
as a witch or person who embraces sacred earth 
or walks such a path, as we do would know that life offers us challenges that not only breaks us but makes us stronger despite our race or the person we are on a whole.
I dont really know you personally but I can sense your a very strong and loving 
individual but may over think things a bit 
i guess it may be because of your sensitivity to certain matters pertaining to life and what you’ve been through. I recommend you light a white candle and cast a simple spell for healing to let go of negative past first before moving forward. I saw this video that @SilverBear posted shortly and this can work also 
I provided a link below.
https://forum.spells8.com/t/move-on-from-the-past/10102
Take time to heel @jada1 good things will happen I trust it will. In the meantime this evening I will light a white candle for healing for you and If you may not hear this much… I would like you to know that someone out there still:heartbeat: U and cares my dear sister, keep your head up… sending you l ve & L 
ght.
N🕯ckW🕯ck
L💫ve L💓ve & L🕯ght the way.