A little more about me and something I haven’t wanted to share with many people until finding you all. This is a story that happened back in 2018 but hit home on this past new years eve.
My mother passed back in 2007 and one of my most precious items are her tarot cards. Years passed before I could allow myself to touch them or even felt like I could try. I kept buying other sets in order to learn but struggled with the connection to them. I tried to only use them for my most special readings or when I just wished I could speak with her.
Flash forward to 2018 and I had finally decided it was so much better to use them than to leave them boxed up. I was having a hard time and was missing her advice so desperately. I had done a three card reading and the future card I pulled was the world. It was such a relief and so needed, I carried it around in my pocket, hoping to keep manifesting by keeping it close.
The second morning I went to put on my jacket, put my hand in the pocket and realized it wasn’t there. I had been out the night before and knew with a sickening stomach drop it had fallen out sometime during the night. It was pouring rain all night and I had walked so far… I was ready to call out of work to search as long as I could but was there even any hope?? I felt incredibly stupid for touching her cards and I couldn’t believe I lost one. I flew out of the house, into the still pouring rain and it was so early it was still dark out.
Against all odds, I found it within blocks of my apartment, just by the light rail entrance (must have been when I was getting my pass out) still on the sidewalk, a little dirtier but not even noticeably damaged/ripped or scuffed, despite being a heavy foot traffic area and the fact it must have been out all night. I sobbed upon finding it, I’ve never felt anything like that move through me quite like that relief. I ran home to clean it gently, cleansed it as best I could and put it inside a box of “magick” also belonging to my mother. It’s a beautiful box of trinkets, stones and leaves. Pieces of string or glass she felt something in. I hoped it would help recharge the card and vowed never to use her cards again- that was my sign I thought. My one chance to fix it.
This New Years however was an especially tough year. But that night, I was actually having a wonderful celebration at home, with myself. I’d made a whole day of it and was experiencing what I can only think now was opening up to higher vibrations… if that’s the right words. I wanted to use the cards so badly and just like a lightning strike- it hit me. I had it all wrong.
What I was searching for then and again on New Years was magick. Wishing it was there in the world, in any capacity and for a sign. That was my wish and my ask in both moments and I had it all wrong. It was there, just like the card showed me. That the very worst thing could happen, had already happened, and it was alright in the end. I was alright. The cards were alright. And if that world card waiting for me out in the world, where I asked for any sign of magick wasn’t exactly that in a nutshell… I don’t know how I missed it. But I am beyond glad that I didn’t put those cards away never to think of it again and only see hurt and fear and anger. I’m so grateful I kept trying so I could see it for the gift the experience truly was.
Anyway, perhaps this is too long and rambly but I don’t have friends who practice- even I am just learning I need to seek that out my own self. I tried to explain it to a few people still riding the glow on new years day, but after my first post and the responses from you all, I wanted to share. I think finding witches in the woods last year was on my mind this year for a reason and what I thought would be a quick post and then I’d move on, turned into exactly where I needed to be. I need to keep following those impulses. I’d like to find what to search for next since I’ve found magick. I didn’t lose it and all I needed to do was open myself up to look.
