My son and I

Merry meet. I feel like I’m losing my mind and my shit with my son a lot lately. He’s only 3yrs old. He has a speech delay and some behavior issues. He’s a very smart boy and very lovely. I on the other hand have not been very lovely towards him lately. He seems to be going through something and acting out a lot lately and directing it towards me. I suffer from anxiety and depression so it’s very triggering for me. He deserves so much better then what I’ve been giving lately. :sob: Does anyone have any advice please? Any meditations or rituals or anything I can do to help change my behaviors and attitude towards him. It’s killing me inside. I have the worst mom guilt ever. Thanks you for listening and for any advice in advance. Blessed be.


O please @Assyla555 never feel guilty. You are doing the best you can. I too am a Mom and there were times even when my kids were small that I wanted to murder them… They go through phases. You need to set up boundaries… When your child misbehaves put him in the naughty corner? I know when my son was that age, i put him in the toilet with no toys(not his room where his toys were)… 5 minutes was all it took… For a child of that age 5 min feels like 5 hours… After that i just mentioned the toilet and he would suddenly be in line… Hahah

My daughter on the other hand was the opposite way… I put her in the toilet and when I let her out she called my bluff and stayed there so it didnt work.

All kids are different so its a matter of trial and error… Maybe take away the things he likes… Favorite toys?

Above all don’t feel guilty… Kids are smart and know how to push your buttons… Nobody is perfect and we are not taken aside in high school and taught how to be parents…

Stick to your guns… All kids hate their parents at some point… :kissing_heart:

Is your little one in a play centre perhaps? That will give you some time for you as well and will give the little one time to interact with other kids and make friends?


Merry meet. Three is a tough age, my second is currently three and it’s far worse than the “terrible twos” but that isn’t anyone’s fault. At this age kids are learning how to do things on their own, struggling with the fact that most of their daily routine is decided for them, and testing boundaries in order to feel secure. I also have depression, anxiety, and OCD and oftentimes my anxiety manifests as anger, especially when my young kids are not listening about something safety oriented. I like to wear a calming crystal so that I can touch it when I feel myself getting angry or anxious and it helps remind me to breathe. I also often light candles to help create a calming environment (even if it’s only for me). As for general parenting tips, everyone has their own parenting style. If you are into gentle parenting/positive discipline then I recommend the book How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.


Warm greetings @Assyla555

I am not currently a mum so I’m going to bow out to let those who are mothers offer their wise advice on that regard, but I do think your heart is in the right the place :heart: l’ve heard about the “terrible twos” and the “threenagers”- it sounds like a tough time for child and parent alike!

It’s clear that you are actively trying to do your best and find ways to take good care of your kid- at the end of the day, all we can do is try, right? You sound like a great mum to me :people_hugging: :two_hearts:

If I can offer a suggestion, I would recommend looking into some wholesome self-care work. Take some time to be with yourself, assess your wants and needs, and forgive yourself for any blame you are holding against yourself. It’s hard, and it takes time, but self care is a necessity- it helps us be our best, so that we can do our best caring for those we love :handshake: :heart:

There are a lot of Self-Care topics and resources here in the forum, and here are two lovely meditations to help seek inner peace and acceptance:

Self-Compassion Meditation for Difficult Times

Renewal Bath Spell for Self Love and Acceptance

I’m wishing you all the best and sending love and light your way- good luck and blessed be! :sparkles:


Merry meet!
Being a mom is the best and hardest job.
First be kind to yourself. We are not perfect.

I am a mom of 2 boys, now 14 & 12. I have struggled with anxiety and with an angry ‘50s style’ husband. So I get when we can’t be at our best for our kids.

Here are various different things I have learned/done over the years. I am not proud of some of my parenting moments. But the following has helped and my boys. Sorry for the length.

Smart kids can get frustrated easily, especially if they can’t make themselves understood. I did not spoil my kids. They can attest to that. I find setting the intention to come at the situation with love and understanding helps shift gears for you which will shift gears for your three year old. Punishing kids because they are frustrated can give them the wrong message ( not saying you are punishing him).
The flight or fight response is contagious. When someone else is stressed. We get stressed, especially if it is our child or parent. Depending on the situation, you can try and deep breathe and calm your nervous system that will help you respond to him rather than react.

When your emotions come up there is usually a thought behind them that causes our reaction. Explore what that thought is so you can challenge it. For example, my husband would get mad at the kids for their behaviour because he thought it would reflect badly on him and his parenting. I explain to him that his reactions reflected poorly on him far more than the kids’ behaviour.

mom’s tend to be their kids safe place, which means they direct things at us they wouldn’t otherwise as they know we love them.

I told my kids I love them no matter what. There was a book I read to them that said “I love your mad side, your happy side your dad side etc I love you inside and outside. Regular positive talk and owning up when I wasn’t really helped them internalize a positive self image.

Forgiving yourself for not being perfect is key.

If your son is safe, you can put yourself in a timeout. You can let him know you are doing so. This may stop his behaviour because it is something different. Be mindful that separating your child from you because of behaviours can send them the message that they are not loved. A good therapist can help you with techniques.

If he has speech development issues it could be frustrating for him, especially when he is also smart. Does he have other ways to communicate his wants needs to you?

Ask questions and be open to how he answers you. You may see another way that he is trying to communicate with you.

I have apologized to my kids when I screw up. I own it and make amends. My kids have learned it is ok to have emotions, the need for time and space, to tell me how I have hurt then or not heard them and to apologize when they have been complete asses. :wink:. It is not perfect but it is good enough.

It is important that he learn appropriate boundaries and ways to do things. However, he is 3. Distraction can be a great way to get him out of his frustration. Don’t think of it as a reward. It isn’t. It is helping him get out of the cycle he is in. It will help him learn to self-regulate. Distraction can be anything. If he can’t be distracted, and he isn’t hurting himself or others maybe just being with him is enough until he calms down. Mind you, when my kids through a tantrum at that age I threw one myself, they were so shocked they stopped. Then I was able to distract them and move on.

Finally, white light. Whenever things got too much and I didn’t know what to do, I pictured white light pouring down over them and me. My older boy needed pink light also and my youngest green and blue. It helped me feel like I was helping undo the not so great responses I had to their behaviours.

Give yourself a break. Focus on having love in your heart for yourself and your son and grace on your mind. Remember, this too shall pass.

My cousin once told me “it’s all a phase, and phases end.” Breathe, love, and be gentle with yourself. :heart::heart::heart:

I hope something I have written will be of help to you.

Big hugs to you!!!


Oh my darling! Whoever coined the phrase “terrible twos” had obviously never had a threenager! Three can be THE WORST! Chin up! It gets better! I have survived 4 three year olds now. They are learning so much about the world and their place in it. Just remember that behavior is actually a form of communication. Is your toddler seeking power? Could you let him choose his outfit (only give 2 choices) or which book to read or whether to take a bath now or in 5 minutes or whether to eat green peas or green beans? Is he seeking connection? Could you spend 30 minutes snuggled up watching a show or reading a book or coloring together? Could you spend 30 minutes playing a game that he loves? Could you do a craft? Is your tot avoiding something? Is there fear somewhere about a situation? Little kids rarely act out for no reason (I’ve been teaching little kids for 17 years), so just take some deep breaths and look at when he’s acting out and what’s happening before and after the issues. It won’t last forever, I promise!

Remember, too, that it’s ok to ask for help and take breaks. I put myself in time out when I get overwhelmed. I recently bought noise cancelling earbuds for myself because too much noise triggers me and my house is full of loud children! They help so much!

Finally, if my kids are being particularly wicked, which happens, I have 2 major tricks up my sleeve: I either take them outside to play and actually engage with them or I toss them in the tub and let them play with cups, bath bombs, food coloring in the water, etc. It usually always works and often times gets that nervous energy out of them that allows them to go to sleep.

Thats the other thing… is he tired? Three year olds are weird and they have this crazy FOMO thing going on, but still need lots of rest and sleep… but they fight it! Do you have a bedtime routine? Stick to it! Does he still nap? Does he need to nap longer?

Wishing you all the love and light and as many tricks as I can think of to help you navigate the reign of your threenager! The fabulous fours are right around the corner!


Ohh mama, that’s a tough one :people_hugging:

First, from one mom to another, it’s okay – take a few breaths. You’re doing just fine. Everyone has rough moments and three is a difficult age to begin with!

I agree with all of this – at three, it’s very normal for kids to “misbehave”, but what’s actually happening is they are learning! Could you imagine being in their position? They have a limited vocabulary, they don’t get to make decisions for themselves, and they have no idea why things are happening. One thing I like to do is remind myself that kids don’t upset us on purpose. Kids don’t trigger us on purpose. They’re learning just as much as we are as parents and that isn’t their fault. That doesn’t mean it’s easy – heck, parenting is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my life! But it does get easier, especially as they get older.

I can’t quote the entire message from Maudot but holy cow, I agree with everything there! :clap: That’s some great advice and I couldn’t have said it better myself!

I mean, all of this too :laughing:

There’s so much great advice in this thread and I just want to extend hugs, sympathy, and a cup of virtual coffee :coffee: to you – it’s hard but it’s one of the most important jobs we will do as parents!


Yes!!! @AileyGrey :heart:


Thank you so much for the kind words and advice. My issue is staying consistent. I have depression and doing this alone is exhausting mentally. So, when he acts up I don’t always get up and do something. A lot of times I let my frustrations get the best of me and I try to ignore him but I know that won’t help. I’m fighting my own brain. One breath at a time, and one day at a time. I will try a naughty corner or time outs. Something.


Thank you for the advice. And taking the time to respond. I started listening to that book on audible but didn’t finish. I will definitely start listening to it more or maybe go rent it. My anxiety definitely manifests as anger as well. I’m going to wear a calming crystal as well. That’s a great idea. I try to make the environment more calming by lighting candles and incense too. :purple_heart:


And he does go to preschool for about 3hrs. We just got done with winter break. He goes to daycare as well when I work so he gets to see and play with other kids his age. :slight_smile:


Thank you so much for the kind words and the ritual/meditations. I’ve been trying to gather ingredients and make time for a ritual bath. I have been meditating daily to find inner peace and forgive myself. :purple_heart:


Thank you so much for taking the time to write such wonderful advice. I can resonate with almost all of it. I’m definitely going to write down all of this stuff, from everyone, it’s such great advice. Sometimes I get stuck in my own thoughts and ways not being around other moms. It’s nice to get advice finally from others who have children or are going/have gone through these phases/situations. Again, I really appreciate the time you took. And I apologize for taking so long to comment back. :purple_heart:


Thank you so much as well for all the wonderful advice. And for taking the time to write it. :slight_smile: I will be writing these down and taking advantage of such great advice! We do have somewhat of a routine but it’s hard for me to stick to it at times because if my depression and anxiety. Usually it’s because I’m mentally exhausted, but I need to be more vigilant and self-forgiving. I do think he wants/needs more of my time. I’m going to be more present in the moment and face the situation head on instead of trying to avoid it. Thank you again for so much great advice. I really do appreciate it! :purple_heart:


Thank you so much! And thank you for the coffee lol I love coffee! I try to put myself in his shoes and how he doesn’t realize why things are this way or why we have to do certain things and I can’t help but feel bad. I wish I could give him the tools to understand but only time can do that. I think a lot of guilt comes from that too. I’m very sensitive to what others are feeling and I can’t help but feel bad. And a lot of my frustrations come from that too. I need to step back and remember he’s learning, like you said. Thank you again. I really appreciate you taking the time to responde. :slight_smile: :purple_heart:And sorry for taking so long to reply back.


It can be really difficult to put yourself in a child’s shoes, especially if we have some trauma from our own childhood that’s holding us back. The one thing that I try to remember is this → You are a good parent because you’re worried about being a bad parent. Bad parents don’t worry they’re doing a bad job :heart:


:slight_smile: thanks again. That made me smile. I will remeMber that as well.


It’s my pleasure, @Assyla555! :heart:

It sounds like you have been putting in earnest intentions and have designed a really lovely and wholesome plan for yourself- that’s awesome! It sounds to me like you are on the right path :blush: I’m continuing to cheer for you- good luck and many blessings to you! :hugs::sparkles:


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