Polyamorous Pagan Dating

I wanted to respond in more detail to @kira-marie’s thread, Dating as a pagan. Thoughts?, but I didn’t want to hijack her thread with what could end up as a bunch of rabbit trails.


I am a polyamorous eclectic witch in an open marriage with a bisexual (but extremely lesbian leaning) wife of nearly 20 years. :open_mouth: I’m thankful no one is judging others on here. :joy: :joy: :joy:

(Disclaimer: The thankfully failed divorce attempt from earlier this year had nothing to do with religion or polyamory, in case people are wondering. :upside_down_face: )

It brings me such joy that she’s been with her partner for nearly two years. She’s dating probably the most patient, kind, loving, and open people in the world.

There is added pressure on us to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. The last thing Christianity or Wicca needs is another scandalous person talking about their faith. The same is true about polyamory. The movement doesn’t need more drama. It needs more people like my wife and her girlfriend so it can be normalized.

I personally haven’t found the right person. We live in one of the most Evangelical Christian States in the United States so my eclectic beliefs are not celebrated where we live. The polyamory stops many relationships from ever forming but I have to be open about that from the beginning or there would be a lot of hurt feelings. I tried dating apps and Facebook groups but I have found the best luck by not trying at all and letting the universe align paths.

In Indiana most of the fun date ideas have been put on hold due to covid. On top of that, it’s getting cold and the governor just announced new restrictions on how many people can be at any indoor event. Dating for me is them coming over or me going to their house after we get to know each other better on social media and Zoom dates. So far that has worked well but you all have seen my wall altar. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: It’s hard to hide the pagan aspect of my beliefs.


I guess all I can say is be authentically you and let the chips fall where they may. Life is too short to be worried about others beliefs about you. As long as your life isn’t being threatened or harmed, you should be safe being yourself. I know it can be lonely at times, and chatting on here or discord isn’t the same as having someone to care for, but we are all here for each other when we need it and I love that about Spells8. It isn’t just about witchcraft. We have real community among eclectic witches and that is awesome.

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Thank you so much for sharing your insight and thoughts about this, @praecog29! And as a mod I want to give you an extra round of aplause for creating a new thread in the name of keeping the forum organized and rabbit-trail-less- you’re awesome! :clap: :grin:

My partner and I are both monogamous and I can honestly say I don’t know much about polyamory. If any of my close friends and loved one consider themselves to be polyamorous, I am currently unaware of it. So thank you for sharing your perspective- I love to learn! :smiley:

I think, like with all discussions about sexuality/gender/relationships/etc- it all comes down to being yourself and finding what makes you happy :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: As long as everyone involved is respectful, open, and honest with one another (as every relationship should be) polyamorous relationships are a manifestation of love like all other relationships.

As Kira mentioned in the other thread: finding a good date is tough, finding a Pagan to date is tougher, and now with the pandemic and lockdown it is harder than it ever has been before to connect with others!

Keep on trying with the social media and Zoom dates- now is a great time to connect with others digitally. And hopefully, when things become safe again, you’ll have plenty of connections to work with!

Sending lots of good wishes and support- blessed be! :sparkling_heart:

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I agree with you :100:%! I was in an open relationship but it didn’t work out. I didn’t mind it but my ex ran off with the other person involved. I gave him everything but it wasn’t ever enough. Anyway, I made better boundaries and higher my standards. Now he wants me back :joy: nope!

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Thank you, @TheTravelWitch and @christina4. :pray:t3: The path, at first, wasn’t easy but it was so freeing.

My wife has always been in the closet about her sexuality and I have struggled forever about my beliefs. The two topics were discussed and processed together while we came to terms with who we were as people and what we really wanted. :grin: We know a lot of people that engage in both mainstream and alternate lifestyles with no reflection on whether that is what they really want or if that is who they really are. This causes so much turmoil in their lives and drama follows them everywhere.

In countries full of freedom to explore such issues (Australia, Canada, the United States, etc.) people have no excuse if they avoid taking the time needed to heal, finding themselves and setting boundaries, and helping others. Groups on Facebook and places like Spells8 are amazing at connecting like-minded friends from around the globe.

We share a common interest in witchcraft. :mage:t3: We don’t agree on everything and each of us has our own practices but we learn from each other. I love that about this group and I am so thankful to the mods and to @Francisco for a safe place like this. I know I am not the only polyamorous pagan on the site but I leave it to them if they want to tell their stories. I felt like it was necessary to open up about my life, though, so people here could better understand when I mention ex-girlfriends or my wife. :upside_down_face: Also, my initial advice to other pagans that are dating remains the only advice I feel comfortable giving.

I guess all I can say is be authentically you and let the chips fall where they may. Life is too short to be worried about others beliefs about you. As long as your life isn’t being threatened or harmed, you should be safe being yourself.

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My happiest relationship was with someone I didn’t get married to. Ummmm that sounds tacky as I read it out loud but the truth is I think it was just more honest… we had nothing to lose by being ourselves. He died of cancer. I still miss him
I find love is a hard commodity to come by and if you find it hold onto it with both hands no matter how it presents itself!

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Aw I’m so sorry :pensive: but you’re absolutely right, when you find that someone who touches your heart and soul and has attractive energy…hold on and don’t let go! Ther will be arguments! Every couple argues, but the thing is to work it out.

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This is a great topic and a very interesting one! Thanks @praecog29 for opening up and sharing this aspect of your personal life.

I think pagans in general have a high correlation with polyamory for being naturally open-minded and being used to sitting in the fringe of mainstream society.

Living in the Pacific Northwest I have met people who did it successfully. I understand it takes lots of work and commitment from all parties.

Picking up what Brianna said, I think online dating even from across the world is fantastic. It can also take lots of work but you never know what can happen. I was in a long-distance relationship for over a year with my then overseas-girlfriend, Grace, and now we’ve been married for over 3 years. :two_hearts: Love finds a way!!

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