Thank you sweet @roxanne they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Im close to my family only bc of location and I don’t have many real friends. I take all that my family says and does and learn from it. I don’t ever treat my kids that way! Ever! For that, I am so damn strong!
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Unfortunately, I didn’t start counseling until my 20s. Then in my late 30s after finding who I thought was the perfect counselor, I had to switch. I recently, this year, found a wonderful counselor that I have had more of a connection with than anyone else and my mental health. I wouldn’t change her for the world. I also wouldn’t change my psychiatrist. She has been with me since my early 30s and is absolutely wonderful too. 
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@Susurrus @christina4 I’ve never been to counseling, probably really could have used it. My process involved just getting right with myself and eventually after both my parents passed away, I really became as I felt, an orphan. I cut ties with my sisters and brothers. And to this day, (5 years later) I do not associate with any of them. I have my family, which is my three kiddos, my husband, and my grandkids (2). That is my family. For a bit I felt bad for my kids not having the blustering crowd of people at holidays and stuff, but I’ve realized to let go of that guilt and see it for what it really is, a gift. The crowd I was surrounded by growing up added no positivity to my life, allowed no growth, and only subjected me to abuse as a little girl. My kids not having people like that in their life gives them the freedom and happiness they deserve. I, too, have no outside friends, Im as solitary as I can be in that dept.
Sorry for the unload…
Love&Light
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No, don’t be sorry!! Thanks for being comfortable enough to share. You just widened my horizons. With all the negativity, I believe my kids would be better off! My family is just my 4 kids and I. Sometimes I felt like I needed my mother living with us bc she helped with them and babysat when I worked. But there are plenty of people I could hire that would be great with my kids. My abuse began at the age of 3 that I can remember. It was with my nasty aunt’s boyfriend at the time. He did things that no innocent, precious soul should have to know. I told my mom n she said don’t tell your aunt, she won’t believe you. My dad tho, he about commited murder that day! I’m shaking while typing so that’ll end here.
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, My brother was my abuser, and I was 8. And when I told my truth at age 16, I was smacked in the face by my mother. Then I could only imagine the horror she felt at the words of one of her children disgustingly abusing another. But at the same time, my world shattered that day because it was then that all the secret whispers of “Don’t tell no one will believe you anyway, " " If you tell they will send you away” became so true. I rebelled, of course. Had a built up hate and anger for my parents for many years. Until I had my first baby. I tried to mend the relationships because I thought that’s what you do…it is family after all. But now, family isn’t something you just accept abuse from or constant personal degradation that just repeatedly picks away at your core. Family is meant for support, care, love, and compassion.
Learning the craft, has for me, silenced the storm I once held within myself. Because I’ve accepted my past but understand now it was not the frame for my future, I decide that not others who inflicted their disgusting ways upon me.
I hope you and your mom find a common ground, of which you can maintain a healthy relationship for not only your kids but yourself. And if not, that’s okay too, just know that.
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I heard the same things from my mom, she was actually my stepmother. My biological mother gave us to my father in the courtroom. Then we had very little to do with her until we were adults.
Everyone here is very nice and supportive. I feel like I have found my people. I hope you have too.
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That’s horrible that happened to you! I was so inspired as I read your words. That you won’t let your past shape your future. I rebelled too. I always wondered why haven’t my parents accepted me? Ever? To this day I get ignored and put down and yelled at. I do what I always do, I back up from the situation, don’t react, and look at the best possible outcome. If I were to let them get to me every time they hurt me, I’d be so far gone! But, thanks again for sharing! You’re a strong woman!
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I like to think I’ve found a comfortable place with such amazing and unique souls!
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It’s disgusting the lies we are told when we are little…
I am so excited about this group, place, site, and my path with it. I look forward to each day just to get on here and do my self initiation course, and come to the forum to check in on everyone. Im trying to pace my self with my self-initiation course, I want to just devour it because Im just digging all the things I’m learning, but I am taking it day by day and then just researching or reading up on what I’ve learned in that days lesson.
Ohhhhh…I made a wand last night!
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It is very very therapeutic for you all to be sharing, it gets things off the chest and then you realize there are others who feel the same way, had similiar things happen etc. Don’t ever quit speaking here, you are all in a safe spot and it does not go beyond here. We are all here to listen, love, hug and understand.
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@Rowan I feel the same way! I love doing the courses & then checking in on the forum to see what’s going on with everyone.
Your wand is incredible! I love it! I found one on Etsy that I am waiting for to come in; it’s a lovely shade of blue & I adore blues!
I’m feeling spent today, so I think I am going to practice meditation or pick one from the guided meditations this evening to be more present tonight. I don’t know, just scattered and exhausted after my day. Lol
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@Rowan oh, please never be sorry for that kind of thing! Currently my family consists of my husband, children, and my dogs. My father lives in FL and we talk about once a week, but he hasn’t been a major factor in my life since he lived up here too. My children never went through the things I did and I am grateful that I was able to break the cycle. My extended family is a big question mark since I was in my teens. I do speak with one cousin but that’s about it. I enjoy my counseling now, May and June were really hard for me dealing with my demons and getting right with myself. I made it through and each day I try to strengthen my life in a positive way!
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Ooh la la! That is gorgeous! I love it!!
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You gals are so brave and strong. I am so glad we all have a safe and non judgemental place that we can share our darkest secrets and feelings. And that wand Wow.
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That’s beautiful! 
How did you make it? And what type of stone is that in the wand?
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Thank You! I used a White Oak branch, cleaned it then sanded it, applied hot glue to give it that textured look and feel, then painted it. The stone looking item is just a bubble of hot glue, that I want to add a stone or gem to, but it looked pretty nice after I did it so I dont know if I will add anything else or not.
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Ironic isn’t it that the US headquarters for all things military is based out of the Pentagon (a five sided building with the internal structures resembling the pentacle)?
I know as I was stationed there during my military career in the early 80’s.
A pentagram is a five-pointed star, with all lines the same length and all angles the same. A ‘pentangle’, 'star pentagon ', or ‘pentalpha’ means the same thing. The word pentacle originally meant ‘any symbol that protects against evil spirits’. There are many of such symbols, only a few of which include a pentagram .(Wikipedia)
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This is very interesting information! Perhaps the Pentagon was designed with those protective qualities in mind? Something fascinating to think about 
Thank you for sharing, @Durga!
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