Thank you @BryWisteria & just for a little boost… of where I find the light…
Yesterday I had a rough, hard morning that continued with yelling & crying, not a good look. So there was my 2 maybe 3 steps back. So I finished with the tears about an hour later & only someone higher than myself knows why, but I decided to organize ALL of the paperwork that I had collected since my mother started declining in July. I went through EVERYTHING. I was on the phone, sending/receiving emails from her final providers. I organized certified originals of items into an envelope so I know where they are & all of the copies are in 1 section & the court papers are in another. Then I have the packet of information that I am going to need for filing the taxes on the estate & I have 4 letters with verification in envelopes ready to be mailed (with tracking receipt) to the remaining places that need to be notified. (No one tells you who is going to notify who & who else needs to be notified. So the calls & emails were trying to figure out who told who my mother passed.) Actually, no one tells you anything about what it is that you are supposed to be doing & if they did, honestly the first few days are a blur.
When all was said & done everything that I had to get done & organized took over 3 hours. It didn’t feel like it, but it did. I was no longer mad or upset, but I was raw & sensitive. So there were some conversations that were harder than others. Only because 1 of the hospice workers knew my mother from when they both worked at the same hospital. & everyone at the nursing home loved her too.
Once I was finished with that though, I took the rest of the day off so to speak. I moved to the living room because my daughter was going to be home soon. We were talking & I knew that I needed to rest & not get into anything except maybe mindless TV. I wound up falling asleep talking to her for an hour. Then my husband came home & gave me a kiss & hug. His hugs have been amazingly refreshing & I feel it’s safe & warm & everything is okay.
After that, I still had the sensitive raw feeling, so I was laying on the couch & we watched TV & I got to talk to my husband once the kids had all moved to their rooms to do their things. It’s hard getting used to as the kids get older, they do their own thing in their rooms. A lot of which involves using their phones.
I had drawn Uruz 
for the day & I honestly at first (it was before 7 AM when I drew it) was a little confused, not that I don’t need strength on a regular basis, but I couldn’t see why I needed divine assisted strength to get through. I had made oodles of progress forward but I felt like I was abruptly shoved backward a few steps. By the end of the day I felt like I had this huge relief, a tremendous weight lifted, but I was raw & open still.
I went to bed early & when I say that I was out, I woke up & thought it was 7 AM & I was late (my husband wasn’t in bed with me anymore). So I wandered around, peeked into my son’s room… he was still in bed. I went out to smoke a cigarette (I know bad habit, least of my problems right now, working on that another time) & I noticed my husband’s truck was in the driveway. I checked the time… it was 5 AM! I slept through the night, but it felt like I was awake & ready for the day but that I was only asleep for maybe a couple of hours. It was a crazy, disorienting feeling for a few minutes.
I was relieved by the afternoon & felt accomplished, proud, I had made it through a tough day on the lighter side of life like things are taking more than 1 baby step forward. This felt like 3 giant steps!
Today I drew Fehu 
Fehu - 1st Rune of the Elder Futhark & Freya’s Aett
& I am making a list of things I need to get done before Friday night. We have a potential snowstorm starting Friday evening & going through Saturday. We’ve heard between 3 & 8 inches right now, but as they narrow it down every few hours, we get more toward the 8 inches.
I am going to add that there is a lot of journaling with & without prompts happening. I need to get the feelings to go somewhere!