Hello everyone
I just wanted to say hello again to everyone and start to reintegrate to the coven after a few weeks away. As some of you may know, i recently lost my younger brother ( background in photo) who took his own life.
It has been the most difficult few weeks of my life and i have been trying hard to use my spiritual beliefs and practicies to get me through it. However, regular posting and particupation on here took a back seat. I feel though that it may help me so am trying to build back in my posting and participation.
I did however take advice given here and completed the ritual for a passed loved one by writing him a letter while burning a purple candle. I sealed the envelope with the candle wax. However, I did not bury it as suggested. I spent time sitting with him and talking to him while his open coffin rested at m mum’s house the day before his funeral. I then placed the letter into his coffin before he was cremated, my hope being that my message was released into the universe along with him. I apologise if this sounds morbid but I feel it helps to “let it all out” so to speak.
The God Asar (Osiris) has been my main go to as he is god of life, death, the afterlife and protector of souls. I have spoken to him daily and asked his assistance as well as asked for the healing power of his wife, Isis. I felt.compelled to get my clay tools out and sculpt them both. This really helped to focus and take my mind off things for a few hours…Here they are but are yet unfinished.
I plan to cover then wirh gold leaf when they have fully dried out.
Tonight was the first i managed to meditate fully. I lay on my shakti mat and played a song called Osiris through my ear phones. I started by breathing in for the count of 4 and then out for the same. When i havd got into that rhythm and started to relax,.i replaced the counting with “osiris, teach me about thee”. I repeated this for what must have been around 10 minutes, focusing my closed eyes on the area of my third eye.
It was then that something happened that i have never experienced before. It was almost as if an image expanded from my third eye, surrounding me. It was dark and i was on a path with hige pillars on either side. I was walking forward and as i did, it got lighter until night turned to day. Then at the end of the path a figure stood…tanned skin, blue crown, white robes and a blue collar. Its not the Osiris you see in pictires (green skin etc) but I knew who it was. I spoke to him:
“Do you have my brother”
'I do"
“Can I see him?”
The figure manifested into my brother, but it was him when he was a teenager. Fresh faced and happy
“Can you allow him to communicate with me?”
“Not now. He is not ready…you must go now”
At that point it was like turning off a TV and the image went black and instantly, my eyes opened like id just woke from a dream. I know i didnt fall asleep though. I have never experienced anything like this but it did offer me some comfort.
I am still hurting badly. My feelings range from sadness to numbness to anger to sheer disbelief all within a short time span. I know I have a long way to go before I am in any sort of mentality that would be considered notmal ( i am sitting here at 5am writing this having not been to sleep since getting up at 9am yesterday). I am due back at work in 3 weeks (currently summer holidays) but i know I wont be ready.
One thing I am ready for is being here. This coven and its members really means so much to me and I honestly feel the genunie love and care from everyone here. Thars why I am writing this. I want you to know that it is the people here and things I have learned here that have started to help me make those baby steps that I had to start making.
If anyone has any other advice that they could offer me (spells, rituals etc) then I would be very grateful.
Thank you for reading. I realise it is a long post and for some it may be upsetting and trigger old wounds. I am more than happy to talk with anyone who has experienced/is experiencing the same things.
Love and blessings to you all
Alan
I don’t have much more to offer right now than prayers and well-wishes.
