I hope this is the correct spot to post.
I am on a journey of self discovery. And while on this journey, I have identified things I really don’t like about myself. I have never dug into my past. I have years of no memories as a child and my mother has left this physical world, and honestly, I don’t want to know (nothing to do with her, but her death (while 20 years ago) has been one of the hardest experiences of my life). I just want to move forward and be a better person.
How do I rid myself of these horrible traits to be a better person? Do I view it as a bad habit? For example. I am not my authentic self at work. I’m a yes person. I don’t protect my boundaries. I embellish and be who others want me to be. Not my authentic self. I have changed jobs 2X in less than a year. The problem is me. I don’t feel worthy. (Which cost me a 6 figure job) I get caught up in negative BS - while trying to be the most positive. Both of these jobs the on-boarding was crap and I am left overwhelmed and under trained. Which contributes to my lack of worthiness and imposter syndrome which then affects my job performance. I am still at the second job. Half the pay. 45 min commute. Micro managing boss who I keep sending love too because she is going through menopause like me and is also not trained properly but she takes it out on me. I meditate. I use EOs. I use affirmations. But I think I hate myself. Yes I’m working on self confidence etc. but how do I get rid of these traits that serve me no positivity?
I’m sorry this is long. I just feel so lost and helpless. I have searched the group and I just haven’t found what I think can help. Hoping someone else has gone through this or has some ideas guidance. Thank you 
I too had felt like you for years. I had a bad childhood with a mother who would constantly degrade me. Leaving me as a broken adult with low self esteem and low self worth. I had horrible abusive relationships because of this. I’m now 58 and have just within the last year left all that behind. I tried therapy with several different psychiatrists and it never really helped. What finally helped me was doing shadow work. I got a couple shadow work books and worked through them. It was difficult because it brings up past trauma, but once you work through it with the book it definitely helps put that in the past. I know have great self esteem and few good about myself. I can finally be myself anywhere I go.
It’s a difficult journey to get there but I know you can do it.
Much love 
As much of a generic answer as it is → therapy.
You’ve been through so many different life-changing things, both big and small, and while spirituality, religion, and witchcraft can help, they’re just a band-aid until you can deal with the bigger issues. If you have access to therapy or a mental health professional, that is 100% where you should start, in my opinion.
You can also dig into what @Mystique said with Shadow Work, but keep in mind that if you aren’t honest with yourself, shadow work won’t do anything at all. It requires deep honesty with yourself to see the things that are in your shadows so you can move on from them and heal them, integrating them into your whole self.
Here are a few resources for Shadow Work that might help get you started.
– Shadow Work: Embracing Your Inner Darkness – Spells8
– What is SHADOW WORK || Psychology or Spirituality? – YouTube
– Whispers of the Soul (my book)
– Shadow Work for Hot Messes by Mandi Em
I agree with both @MeganB and @Mystique. Shadow work is necessary. I had both a challenging father and mother. I have been in therapy for over 20 years. And the thing that has worked the best was a combination of art therapy, shadow work, lots of journaling, EMDR, and doing psychedelic assisted therapy. Since this is a public setting of the forum i don’t feel comfortable saying more.
In order to heal the present you must heal the past. I have found in doing shadow work you need a trusted other to read some of your reflections to so that they can hold you accountable and help hou work through thr things. I have chosen to use a therapist for that. I also work a Alanon program so i also do that with a sponsor who helps me stay accountable in stepwork. Which is similar to shadow work.
Also try seeing it as an opportunity to be free and to stop lovong in a false sels and finding true @kylaD, sending love
I was an abused child. There are several layers of work which must be done to get where you want to be.
Honestly, I found no help with therapy. It happens sometimes, but not with everyone. Try it and see if you find some good. If not, you may have to become your own therapist.
I took a lot of time to study psychology. Mom wanted me to become her therapist when I was too young to understand. Not everything offered in psychology books was useful.
An early focus in the healing process is building confidence and self esteem. This is a lot of work and requires honesty, time, patience, and lots of self care. You are worth it, even when you feel poorly. Consider this an illness which can be healed.
There is more flow if you can find your triggers, write them down, and dedicate yourself to avoiding them. Much easier said than done! However, you may need to begin with faking it until you can feel a bit of positive something in your life just so you know the difference. I did.
When avoiding triggers, listen to yourself, not what other people say. For example, so many around me believe a person cannot survive in this world without knowing what is going on in it, but watching the news was one of my triggers. Local media tends toward country music, but I find continued listening to a certain twang causes depression in me. Your triggers will be different than mine.
Once you have a good list of triggers and a sense of what positive energy feels like, focus on the future. If you don’t like something done to you, don’t do it to others. If you make a mistake, admit it, figure out what went wrong, think of alternative reactions to try, and work on doing better next time. Avoid thinking about the bad things as much as you can. It won’t be easy, but you can do it with practice. Instead, focus on what positive things can be done. This may require some brain storming and forethought, which means making mistakes. No fear! It’s not as bad as it seems as long as you are willing to correct yourself.
Those who judge you don’t know you and don’t care that you are trying to improve yourself. They aren’t your friends. You are allowed and encouraged to avoid them as much as possible. It’s not always easy, but as you grow, you will find ways around them.
The path you have chosen with this post is not an easy one. I honor you for seeing yourself clearly and wanting to improve your life. You are one of a rare few, but you are not alone. Thank you for your work.
So I’m guessing this is why Shadow work keeps popping up in my mind, newsfeed and here in spells8! I need to start!
As for therapy. I am in therapy. Should have added that! Apologies!
I am ready to be honest. That’s why I’m struggling because I don’t like some of these traits. I want to change them and I’m willing to do the work!
I think I may start with the shadow work course here. Thank you everyone. It really doesn’t feel good to not like who you are. But I do have some great qualities too!!! And a lot of work ahead of me 
Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest. I really appreciate it!!
My $.02 is that there isn’t ONE thing that will change everything. I have found benefit from therapy and shadow work. I also credit getting back into yoga and meditation and practicing both daily. Self-compassion work is helpful too. I use tarot for shadow work and journaling to work through my feelings. Nature is a big part of my practice and life. It’s nourishing, supportive, honest, and beautiful. Things can change but will take time, patience, and work and happen slowly. Sending you strength, light, and hope 
The book that helped me the most with shadow work was @MeganB book. I bought it off Amazon. I tried several but hers was the best.
I was just about to ask if anyone could refer one. Thank you! I will search for Megan’s book on Amazon Canada
If you can’t find it there let me know. I’ll order it for you and have it sent to you.
I linked some resources here already, my book included 
Thank you! I found it at Amazon Canada. This community is just simply amazing. I appreciate you all!
I have a lot of work to do when I get better. But I have finished Megan’s book and wow, I feel so much better and fortunately I have worked so hard that this illness of mine is much easier. I still plan to go through it again when this is over. My self-image has changed a lot and for the better. 
Thank you, my dear @MeganB , for a great and easy-to-understand book. I would be much worse off if I hadn’t done the assignments.
I’m glad you were able to find it!
One thing I want to mention is that these “negative” qualities you have were most likely born out necessity. We don’t just become selfish, for example. We are either taught to be this way or we become that way out of a need for self-preservation. It may help you to reframe these traits as part of your path – you needed to be that way because of “x, y, z”, for example. Then it may help you integrate those parts of yourself because you can see that you no longer need to behave that way, so that moment is over and you can move on.
I hope this makes sense!
Thank you! Yes. I hear you. Makes sense. can’t wait for my book to arrive
You are not what were taught to believe. Sometimes the beliefs and things instilled in us were just bs. It won’t be an easy process. But it’s going to be a constant one until you break these habits. You have to actively work on your thought process. Don’t shut out the “bad” you have to understand it and talk to to it. For me when I start having negative thoughts I open a dialogue in my head. Ask ur inner self why it feels that way. Validate it.telll ur inner self u understand why they feel that way and it’s okay. But then u have to suggest a better thought or way and practice it. It will take time. Believe in yourself. No reason not to. Most jobs don’t provide proper training. They just throw people in with vague to little instructions. It’s just the way it is almost everywhere. Just do ur best. If u have questions go up to a higher supervisor than the menopause lady. But be confident about it. It’s not ur fault management sucks. Don’t over work urself I find it gets us nowhere just tired and feeling less appreciated. I don’t think I hate myself but I hate my current life. It’s only temporary. Work on your confidence and don’t question urself too much. Learn to trust urself. Play meditation music in shower or when u have time. Try to bring urself back to earth 
Sounds like u need to pull out the shadowwork. But be careful do it slowly and with big breaks in between. During those breaks do self-care. meditation and self love spells. Because there will be sadness after shadow work.
Also unfortunately I also find not getting to close to people keeps u out of drama and trouble. Sometimes I tell someone something and by the time it gets back to you. It isn’t what u said. So I don’t tell people I work with much of anything personal. It’s better that way
I so appreciate this response. I felt it in my core. Thank you so much. I have work to do. It won’t be easy but I have seen and I know and feel the real authentic me. And I love her. Thank you. 
Well begun is half done, if I may quote Mary Poppins. Great start!
Aww I hope you enjoy it, and I hope it helps you!