Deity Digging

As a child my mother was raised Baptist. She married my father and had me at 15, her religious upbringing basically ended there. Once I was old enough to hear other children speak of God and religion, old enough to ask my mother what it all meant, she told me my religion was basically in my own hands. My choice. That she would not push her thoughts, or lack there of on to me, and that I should essentially, “shop around”!

As soon as I was old enough to start going places without my mothers full supervision, aka, aloud to go places with friends, I started doing just that! I’ve been in I don’t know how many churches. Heard I don’t know how many sermons. I’ve been Baptized, almost twice! I went to Catholic services, I went to a Synagogue, I tried Christian churches, I got to go to a Monastery in Arizona (Built into the side of a huge mountain, sold wall of windows looking out over the cliff. Most beautiful “church” I have ever been in!), I researched Islam, Hinduism, and several others. Nothing ever sat right. Nothing ever brought that spark I have seen in so many religious folks eyes. I never found faith. Never found God. Nothing ever clicked for me.

I’ve had some very “un-natural”, “unexplainable” occurrences, things that most either try to explain away or simply say you’re seeing or hearing or feeling things that aren’t there. So, I’ve always felt there was something. Something outside of my human scope of existence. Something bigger than me. I’ve also fought religion, God, any thoughts of there being something responsible for all of the bad there is. For a long time, I just didn’t think about it at all unless something strange would transpire that I couldn’t look past. In a sense, I was numb. Then my husband passed away. Completely out of the blue, no real warning.

When I tell you this I say it with awe and a humbling sense of there being a force so far beyond me I am not sure it can really be described properly. But the day he passed, it was just another normal day. He went to shower after dinner, like so many other nights. I distractedly said ok as I continued to watch tv. A little while latter I needed to go to the bathroom all of a sudden. Normally I would just hold it, let him have his peace. But this was different, I literally thought I would pee my pants if I didn’t go, “now”. The second I managed to get my butt sat down and looked up at him, about to apologize, I immediately knew something was wrong. Long story short, he wasn’t with me much longer after that. I was there as he took his last breath. Fighting for him, on the phone with 911, trying to give him CPR. All in vain of course, but he knew I was there, with him, for him.

Please, please believe me, something…something pulled me into that bathroom with him. I was meant to be there with him. So he wasn’t alone and he knew I loved him. As unbelievably traumatic as it was, how I still can’t get the image out of my head, I would never, ever give it back. I would repeat it a thousand times if I had to.

My point to all of this, I still don’t know what “it” is. But it opened up a door in me that I can’t shut. Then I found the craft, through a completely unexpected and chance meeting with a crazy, eccentric, exuberant woman who saw in me something I had been ignoring for a very long time and she helped me start moving forward. Since these two major happenings in my life I have been trying to define what God is to me. I eventually started learning about a few different Deities here and there, but not until recently did I really plunge in to single one. I was recently told, by whom I do not recall, that my spirit animal is the Dove. Normally I would have brushed something like that off, like, okie dokie smokie! :+1:t2: lol

But then Doves started popping up everywhere! Not outside mind you, I don’t do the outdoors all that much these days! But books, webpages, cards, apps, random emails. Like everywhere! So I couldn’t really ignore it anymore. And I started researching if there where any Deities who were associated with Doves. And oh, boy!

The more I looked, the more I found! The furthest back I managed to take it before it started to become just “lore” was Astarte the Phoenician Goddess of love, fertility, sex and war. Which were not all associated with her in the beginning, but over time and from the many Goddesses associated with her she was eventually given all of those accolades. Is anyone else familiar with her? She is associated with over 40 different Goddesses over time. It is believed she was all of them just called by different names of the centuries! She was, is, Aphrodite, Anat, Athena, Venus, Isis, the list goes on and on!!

Has anyone else come across this sort of thing and if so, how do you determine, decide, or go with!? Is that essentially why the Triple Goddess? As she is actually multiple Goddesses in one? Is it the same for the masculine counterpart? Are all of the Gods and Goddesses essentially one God and Goddess in the end, just repeated over time? Man, my mind is completely blown and I am even more confused and unsure than I was before! It is a lot to take in.

Also, sorry about the long back story there! I felt compelled to go into detail for some reason! :woman_shrugging:t2:


Oh my goodness… I can’t imagine going through what you went through with your husband. I am glad that something told you to be in there when you were. I’ve had synchronicities like that, relating to people that were going to die soon, or people calling on the phone, or even things I experienced after my father passed away. So I know what you mean about experiences that pull you a certain direction and open a door you can’t close.

I went through a lot of similar explorations you did, including Hinduism. The church you visited in the mountain sounds beautiful.

I’m glad a religion wasn’t pushed on you. I was born into Mormonism. My family goes back to the beginning of that, my great+++ grandfather on my father’s side was the cousin of Joseph Smith, the Mormon founder. So you can imagine the pressure I had. It took me almost 40 years to gather the courage to leave. That might sound silly, but I was deeply vested for a long time, even though I had a pull toward witchy things and different beliefs way early on. I’ve been on a circular journey for six years, left Mormonism almost 3 years ago, and found myself here in August. I’ve come full circle with my path in many ways.

When my father passed, I started seeing polar bear imagery everywhere. Then I realized… when I was little, he gave me a polar bear toy that was hugging a bang bear and said that it was him and I. I now know that the polar bear is him reaching out. Maybe the doves are part of your husband, and he’s helping guide you.

I personally believe that the God / Goddess are a part of a whole in each other, like Shiva in Hinduism, but also sparks from the flame of the eternal ‘source’. That source sparks out and becomes all that we see, everyone and everything around us, and God and Goddess
show themselves to us in whatever form we need. That’s how I see things now, after practicing Hinduism for a year… my personal opinion! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Anyway big HUGS to you :heart:


I’m replying again so you don’t miss my added thought … to reach out, you can always light a candle and just pray / open your heart. Gods and Goddesses reveal themselves to us as needed. If you’re not sure where to settle as far as a name or focus, just start simple and reach out in general to whatever is reaching out to you… and it will all come together in due time. :heart:


As am I. I cannot fathom how I would have handled it had it turned out any different. I’m truly thankful he wasn’t alone.

I’m glad it wasn’t pushed on me, I agree, however some additional guidance or even thoughts on the subject of religion would have been nice I think. I am thankful for all of the experiences I have had, don’t get me wrong. But that lack of faith and belief in my life I feel has been a detriment, if that makes sense. Not that I feel like blind faith is a “good” thing. But honestly, I have known people who truly had faith in their lives and they lived so blessed, even in hard times. They were happy and the hardships never seemed to affect them the way they did me. I believe that is because they truly believed, had faith, that there was a reason for it all. Something I’m still struggling with, though I feel like I’m finding it finally.

Mormonism is an interesting religion! I say that as someone from the outside however. I can imagine from the inside, and it being pushed on you so heavily by family, it’s not so great. But, I had a boss at a place I worked for three years who was Mormon and we had some fascinating conversations! He was a genuinely great guy and gave me some of the best advice and needed truth in a time I was in a very dark place once. Not that that has anything to do with his religious preferences surely! lol. I think I’m rambling! Insomnia makes me a little “woo hoo” sometimes!

I honestly had not even thought in that vain! I assumed it was something to do with a God/Goddess! Or that maybe it really was my spirit animal, what ever that truly means! I was told I should pay close attention to whatever was happening when I saw them, but, idk. If it is my husband it’s hilariously ironic he would come to me as a dove considering he was more of a dragon type of guy!! lol. But it’s something to consider none the less.

This is my belief put simply. I recently wrote about it in another post here, but I basically describe it as “energy”. It’s in all of us, around us, in everything. And we share that energy with everyone and everything we come in contact with, where we are depleting and charging each other’s batteries basically all day. That there is “good” or “charging” energy and there is “bad” or “depleting” energy and what you put out is typically what you get back. So I try to do my best to put out my best energy in the hopes that is what I will get back. This is a newish concept to me, or at least implementing it is! I’ve sadly gone a very long time not putting my best out, so I am still feeling the repercussions of that sometimes.

This is one of the huge pulls for me as far as Wicca goes. This and the fact that there is no “church” that is insisted upon and there is no one right way to worship or that you even have to worship at all! I love that it is very much a free spirited thing, allowing people to connect to their “higher power” the way that causes them to feel close to it! Not by making everyone do it the exact same way.

Another beautiful part of this community! No one pushes anything on anyone. Beautiful suggestions or thoughts or glimpses in to how everyone does it differently! I love this community, truly. I feel so blessed having found you all!

Thank you so much for replying to my hot mess of a post!! :smiley:

:white_heart: :black_heart: :heart:


@TheDarkestDesire Good morning! I’m truly sorry about the loss & at the same time I am happy that you were able to let him know that he wasn’t alone in his time of need… I’m sorry for the way it happened. I do believe that seeing the Doves just… well… everywhere is a kind of a couple of different things meant for you after going through that time.

  • White doves represent peace, so your loved one may be sending you a message that they are at peace and there is nothing to worry about. This can be a great relief if you are in a season of grieving.
  • White doves represent purity, spiritual awakening, hope, new beginnings, and the ending of suffering. They often show up to give you a feeling of protection and comfort, especially in times of grief and sorrow. White doves can activate your heart center giving, activating a sense of unconditional love and compassion for all beings.

Information from: Spiritual Meaning & Symbolism of Doves - Crystal Clear Intuition

There are more than a few Gods & Goddesses that are derivatives of another pantheon or system but have the same attributes with a few sometimes minor differences. So if you feel connected to the one, maybe look into the others & what their associations are also & where your beliefs lie as to which one she is coming to you - or an alternative - work with how she presented herself to you without picking apart which she could be trying to reach you. Over time, as you work with her, it may narrow down her associations into one that is more fitting for you but right now, they all pertain to you or you may continue to just work with her as she is coming to you.

Both of the deities that I work with are considered Triple Goddesses but not necessarily in the Maiden, Mother, and Crone aspects. I work with the Celtic pantheon of the Tuatha de Danaan from Ireland. I feel most connected to their practices & beliefs. Others don’t call to me or resonate with me, but this path does… so it may be the start of you finding where your beliefs lie and the path you are going to follow going forward into the New Year with a new beginning and renewed faith.

For example, the Morrigan… can appear as a singular deity or as one of three sisters that work in conjunction or separate from each other but make up one deity.

Brigid is known to have a triple aspect as a goddess of healing, smithcraft, and poetry… along with fertility, transformation, midwifery, and protection of home & hearth… both of my deities are liminal in aspects too. So it’s not uncommon for one deity to have multiple associations.

(I hope that makes sense, still a bit brain foggy & I’m sorry if that was word salad :green_salad:)

I can tell you that I was raised Catholic. Baptism, Holy Communion, Confirmation. After that time, I .had basically stopped going to church. I could never relate to anything from it, understand it, or wrap my head around it… I also went to a Christian (it’s more than Christian, I remember the pastor (???) and went through a whole portion of speaking in tongues :woman_shrugging:) The children weren’t allowed to participate in anything they considered not to be a Christian holiday, so they didn’t decorate, hand out, dress up, or anything related to Halloween. They even stayed home from school on those days. I have talked to people that I knew about Jehovah’s Witness… nothing seemed to fit or I didn’t seem to fit anywhere. Where my mom had originally gotten me interested when I was a teenager into the craft, but then, turned that right around when it served her purpose into I was worshipping the Devil & even had an altar in my room dedicated to him. She used the things she had gotten my initial interest sparked from as the defining reasons for what I was doing. (she is the one that introduced me to crystals & astrology when she realized that star gazing & watching the night skies and storms and weather patterns & how they interacted with land & animals around us where we lived intrigued me. As well as when we would go to visit my birth mother & my interest in the differences in nature, the animals, and views from there & kind of comparing & contrasting the two, I made potions and was constantly mixing & matching herbs, plants, playing in the rain, visiting the ocean & how calming it was to me, especially when living in a landlocked state was just about unbearable for me… I could go on… but enough rambling from this foggy brain… :laughing:)

My husband… he grew up in a strict Catholic household. He went to Catholic Middle School through High School… his mother worked for the schools too. He doesn’t practice and it was very upsetting to his mother that he stopped practicing once he was… removed from the Catholic High School then had to go to a public high school to graduate.

However, as such, we never pushed religion on our children. More to appease our families, each of our children was baptized, but we never went to church minus the time we went to the Christian maybe Evangelical Christian :thinking: church. One of my sons has gone to a church that he said was more like a party, there is a gift shop, coffee shop, singing, dancing, a light show… I think it’s some kind of Baptist church… but I’m not sure… he only went a couple of times. We leave their beliefs up to them. My oldest son follows Norse paganism and works heavily with Odin.

My daughter is curious about what I do, she has some of her own items but is still 13 so I’m not sure she’s ready to totally commit or learn or talk about it unless it’s just her and I. So when she is with her friends or they are here, there is no mention of it, and her items are put away in her room.

Okay seriously, enough rambling… if you made it this far thank you! I hope that helps even a little bit and that I’m not way off base in trying to help.


That’s how I’m raising my daughter. She’s interested in my faith and in witchcraft but she’s still young, so she has time. She’s asked me about the Christian God, about Brigid, and about other deities. She learns when she wants to but if she isn’t interested then that’s okay, too :blush:

It sounds like you’ve had a lot of experience with different religions and faiths. I think that’s great, even if you didn’t adopt any of them for yourself. You still got the experience and the knowledge of how other people live and believe. I think that’s an important thing to have – it’s proven that the more we know about a religious group or culture the less likely we are to hold prejudice against them! (Not saying that’s what you would have done, of course! Just making an observation about cultural education :blush: )

I can’t say that I know much about Astarte. I just know that her name is in a really popular chant and, if I remember correctly, in the Charge of the Goddess.

This is the ever-changing question! So what you’re talking about here is the difference between hard polytheism (each deity is an individual on their own) and soft polytheism (what you described – all deities being one deity). How you view this is going to be dependent on your personal beliefs. Some people believe that every deity from every culture around the world are individual beings. Some people believe that all feminine deities are different aspects or representations of one overall feminine deity.

If you’re interested, I have a video on my YouTube channel that talks about the differences between hard and soft polytheism. It might help you better understand the differences and make a determination on your own beliefs.

I hope you don’t mind but I added some tags and a mod notice on your post so those with death as a major trigger can be aware that your post discusses in small detail the death of a loved one.


I very much understand. I went from blind faith to trust and hope, and now I’m agnostic. I wish I weren’t, but that’s the honest truth of where I am. I sometimes miss the faith though… the absolute knowing. You know?

For my kids, we’ve talked about different religions and beliefs, and I made sure to root their spirituality in loving nature. If nothing else, trusting the turning of the seasons and the cycles has been very healing for me (and them, too).

Oh for sure! There are some great Mormons. When I was Mormon, I made sure not to be pushy. I just lived my life, and if people had questions, I’d oblige. Some of my family members are awesome Mormons and would give you the shirt off their back. Mormonism inspires them, and I’m happy that it does. It definitely is not for me though. I’ve had to do a lot of self exploration to separate from it.

Honestly, I’ve always felt that if you do your best in each moment, that’s all you can do! If you make a mistake or act out of balance, approach things differently in the new moment. :heart:

I love the example that was given by @Siofra_Strega about doves being a sign from a loved one. I saw butterflies a lot right after my father died. That might have been my sign of love there. Just keep yourself open to the possibilities… go with your heart as far as what it feels for you!

It really is like a family here :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Absolutely! Thank you for being so candid. :heart: Blessings to you!


First, I apologize for my delay in responding back to you all! After reading everything everyone had to say I had to really do some contemplating and more research. This turned into a very in depth look at religion in and of it’s self. (a very long post on the subject coming shortly!)

Instead of responding to each one of you in length I am going to do one big lump sum of what I wanted to say to you all, I hope no one minds!

Second, I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for how absolutely amazing and beautiful each one of you are!

@Siofra_Strega ~ Never apologize for rambling or having a foggy brain with me, I frequently do or are in one state or the other!! lol. I have had insomnia since my husband passed, sometimes the lack of sleep makes me a little loopy. :stuck_out_tongue:

@MeganB, I do not, nor will I ever, mind if you make adjustments to my posts where needed! I did not even think that speaking of my husbands passing could be triggering, of course it could, i’m so glad you caught that and made that adjustment for me! Thank you for all that you do here!

@Melora_Fae Being candid is second nature to me! Sometimes it get’s me in trouble , lol. People tend to love me of hate me, sometimes at the same time I think! I can over share from time to time though, feel free to check me when i do that!!! lol

All together i want to say, thank you. Thank you for all of the resources and knowledge that you constantly impart and thank you for the sharing of your lives as well! I think it is amazing that you all give your kids the room to learn about religion. I am honestly thankful that I was given the same opportunity. On the other hand, for me, I wish I had been given some kind of guidance though. While you are all giving them free reign to determine what they believe, you are also sharing with them your beliefs, without being pushy, this gives them a foundation, somewhere to start and something to compare the rest to. I feel like that makes such a huge difference!

Now, I’ll try to keep this relatively short and to the point, I know I can ramble, even in writing!! After reading everything you all wrote and going over the resources you gave me I sat and just thought for a little while and something came to me.

There are essentially several reasons none of the “organized” or “mainstream” religions never really called out to me. For instance the institutionalism aspects of it. You must worship in this “house of prayer”, you must do it this certain way, the way everyone else does it, you must follow these rules or your not a “good” what ever denomination, etc. But in the end there was one common thing amongst the majority of them and that is the human personification of the Deity of each religion. It just never sat well with me. Bare with me!

I’ve always felt, we a humans, don’t like feeling like things are out of our control, we don’t really like “not knowing” as a general idea. As such, just like all of the natural occurrences throughout the world that we once did not understand, earthquakes, volcanos, tsunamis, drought, famine, plague you name it. All things that have explanations now, as we grew as a species and learned what caused these things. But way back in the beginnings of our species, those things where a complete phenomenon. They seemed other worldly, unexplainable. So we needed an explanation. What better way to explain the unexplainable than some supreme being that could make things happen that no human ever could. It makes sense we would fabricate the Gods. I’ve always basically felt this to be the true case.

Having said that, there are still forces in this world that have no real, no good or solid scientific or otherwise explanation. Things that are beyond us, bigger than us. i just don’t see this, energy, if you will as being associated with any entity that has ever shown itself to any human. not in any true form. or not in any human like form anyway. I honestly kind of, and no disrespect to anyone, because i believe we all have the right to believe what we want and to find Divinity in what ever form we want. It’s not a judgement, it’s just that my brain’s form of logic tells me it’s not plausible, that it’s non-sensible. Again, to each their own! This is simply me coming to the realization I don’t see things the way many do. My coming to the realization this is why I am having a hard time connecting to a Deity. That being the case I decided to do some digging in regard to religion in and of itself. And boy, I thought the Multiple Deities as one blew my mind! lol. smh

I’m still reading over a bunch of stuff, but I feel like this is going to lead to me figure out what is going to work for me! So, thanks for helping me on this journey!

like I said I plan on putting up a post on a bunch of what I’ve found! Do you ladies have a suggestions as to where would be best for me to post it? I assume in the Witch Wisdom section? I’m actually kinda excited to share it, it’s a lot, but it might help others who are in a similar boat as me!


@TheDarkestDesire first, yes whatever you have learned & would like to share please place it in the Witchy Wisdom! You did a lot of work & learning something new constitute it being a type of wisdom.

I completely understand the instutionalized part, it just never really resonated with me & the 1 all knowing & essential judge, jury, executor & anything questioned or nonconforming was… well to say the least wrong & there was a negative outcome for it. Unless of course you did some form of strict repercussion but even then it wasn’t a guarantee that all was forgiven. It didn’t jive well with me either & I couldn’t even sit through the sermon, service, etc… I usually would leave early or bring something else to do… my parents eventually just stopped bringing me or asking if I was going to attend.

I look forward to reading what you have found & learned through your research into the topics!


I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. That’s a terrible thing but at least you don’t have the what-ifs and you know you did your best for him.

I’ve never got people who were 100% sure that their God was real myself. I have doubts at times, but something happens to renew my faith each time and that’s what helps me.

A dove is a wonderful thing to renew your faith with, a special vision for sure! I’m sure you can almost pick and choose a goddess or god that has doves as a favorite animal because they were very prevalent, but it sounds like you’ve done your research already.

I haven’t come across something that says THIS one is my goddess or god yet, but I keep feeling comfortable with just the Lord and the Lady. So could they be my patron deities? Maybe. Or maybe I’ll be called yet in the future.

But it’s up to you to decide! I hope you find the path you’re wanting!


You’re very welcome! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: That’s exactly what I’m here for!


This post has my ideals and I, by no means am trying to push anyone to believe as I do.



My dearest girl, you’ve had some wonderful experiences, and terrible, but amazing things happen to you. My heart does ache for your loss. You’ve done us the kindness of sharing a very painful part of your life. Thank you.

If I may address you so familiar, Amber?

I did look up Astarte and she has been the object of worship through many cultures and many other religions for eons.
I found this in Britannica

People like to compartmentalize things, it’s neater. It makes it easier to explain, the unexplainable.
Humanity has always been a war-like people. With each invasion or conquest of another culture, the winner brought their culture and Gods but also absorbed the culture and, Gods of the conquered. This is one reason that some of the Gods/Goddesses lasted for eons.
The names may change but such is the arrogance of mankind.

[quote=“TheDarkestDesire, post:1, topic:32874”]
Has anyone else come across this sort of thing and if so, how do you determine, decide, or go with!? Is that essentially why the Triple Goddess? As she is multiple Goddesses in one? Is it the same for the masculine counterpart? Are all of the Gods and Goddesses essentially one God and Goddess in the end, just repeated over time? Man, my mind is completely blown and I am even more confused and unsure than I was before! It is a lot to take in.

The concept of Diety is as old as time. Depending upon how far back you go in history, the female version of ‘God’ seemed to be most popular in ancient times, and then over war after war, that ‘image’, changed to the male 'god '. I won’t quibble about the sex of the Gods. It’s something man started to make these ‘magical beings’ more human, less “I AM. THAT I AM” Exodus 3:14.
The church drilled a Fire and Brimstone" into uneducated and easily frightened people to keep them in line. The very idea of original sin is preposterous. This always bothered me. If you’ve ever held a newborn in your arms, you will understand what I mean. What sin, impossible. My diety is kind and loving, but also just.

What a wonderful totem you’ve found, the dove is a magnificent animal.
For the longest time, I tried to pigeonhole (pardon the pun) diety, and after decades, I’ve resigned myself. My deity feels female but I have yet to be able to label her. Then, I thought, Why should I? I don’t like to be labeled so why should I consign Her to a label?
I still taste the names of different Goddesses but none of them are right, for me.
It doesn’t matter what you believe in, who you believe in, or the sex of what you believe in.
just believe in ‘something’. You’ve felt ‘it’. You felt compelled to open that door by ‘it’.

As far as opening a personal door? We, each and every one of us have been at that threshold. the question is, do you cross it? or do you step back until it pulls you again?
Whatever YOUR decision is, follow your heart.
Welcome to Spells8, a new family and a new world of knowledge.
Bright Blessings
Love and a big hug!


Very well said Siofra!
Love ya