New and Confused

Okay so I was raised as a Lutheran from the day I was born and as a child I believed every story they taught in Sunday school. In my teens I didn’t really attend church much but I still believed. Probably about 7 or 8 years ago I seriously thought about and concluded that heaven- a place your given eternal life to spend with your loved ones in bliss kinda sounds like a pipe dream so when a loved one dies you tell yourself you’ll see them again or if your the one dying thinking about eternal oblivion is scary so of course I wanna believe in heaven. And then there’s hell. What could be more motivating to keep society in check that an eternity of hell fire. I should mention that I’m not trying to say it’s not real I’m just trying to figure out what is. I’ve been really interested about various topics on here but the part that I’m so confused about is that so many of the gods and topics etc all contradict each other. I could point out a lot of if this is true them that can’t be scenarios. I don’t think Greek gods, the Egyptian gods and Jesus and sit down on Gaia and decide who’s turn it is to be worshipped. I really wanna believe in something but I want to pick whatever it is out there that’s real because I’ve already wasted 2 decades praying to a ghost. I would appreciate any insight anyway has to help me figure this out. Thank you


I should mention that I just lost someone who meant the world to me at one point in life and that’s what lit the spark that had me searching for something more so apologize if my post was a bit insensitive for anyone I’m just terrified that there is nothing more and that she’s just dust now and nothing more.


I am sorta “new” to this as well. Rather, just coming back to it. I grew up Pentecostal. So I UNDERSTAND. Believe me.
But I don’t believe anybody’s soul is just “dust”. I believe our souls live on, where that is? I have no idea. That’s kind of one of those “To each is his own.”

You’ll get the answer, keep searching. Studying and finding your path.

Blessed be. :hugs:


Have you ever experienced something spiritual where there’s no doubt your not placeboing yourself as in you could slap your self and wash out your eyes and it’s still there? I think that’s what I’m looking for. I don’t get that if gods exist why do they have to make it so easy to believe there just a fantasy. But I’m gonna start doing the courses and soaking up as much info as a can because I honestly don’t know squat right now and not gonna pretend like I do lol


Yes I have i’ve seen the reality on the Christian side and i’ve also seen the reality on the witchcraft side. On the Christianity side i’ve LITERALLY seen somebody’s face look distorted with my physical eye.

And on the witchcraft side I have had tarot cards tell me that a death was about to take place and the next morning I got a phone call that my God-brother was killed in a car accident I went back inside to read the tarot cards again and it said that the accident that was supposed to happen had already taken place.

So I see BOTH sides.

I personally do not worship deities or gods. I still believe there is ONE God. That’s Christ. But, I think I have a very distorted view of God because of my “father issues” so BECAUSE of THAT it’s been VERY hard for me to TRUST in something that I CAN’T see because of the fact that I had an absent father.

So. Idk, like someone told me earlier witchcraft is like a buffet take what you like leave what you don’t.

We’re all on a journey, dear.


I suppose it all comes down to faith. There’s no proof that any god exists, if there were there would be only one religion. We have to take our gods on faith and that’s a tricky thing to do.


Ya I suppose it comes down to faith. When the book you base everything on was translated multiple times before it printed in english by an Era of people who thought the world was flat and that trying to build a tower to reach the heavens was an efficient use of time and resources lots of faith is required lol


Yeah I completely see your point. It’s definitely something that requires a lot of faith and the thing about it is is that the Bible is so touched by man and there’s been so many books taken out of it that we don’t even know about because the Vatican has hidden them and put them away so it’s hard to know because you don’t know what ALL you’re missing.

Like for instance my ex stepson asked me “if there is no sin in heaven then how did Satan get kicked out of heaven?”

It’s questions like that…


Some people see the gods as their own entity, others prefer to see them as manifestations, faces, or “aspects” of one universal being. Some people see all gods as one God and all goddesses as one Goddess, some see them not as beings but archetypes.

Paganism encompasses a huge variety of practices and literal belief in myth is not very common. Some deities are based on myths and legends, and others may be based on real historical people.

There are many ways to look at this topic but it’s super interesting. Megan just shared a video on different types of polytheism.


Ya I was literally just on wiki researching and there was like 20 books from the Abraham God or whatever he’s called and I never heard of any of them. I understand why they didn’t want them in your average Bible cause there’s a lot of dark stuff in them


I was reading one of king Solomons book overviews and it started talking a djnn I can’t recall learning about them in Sunday achool lol


It is not my intent to offend anyone. Any statements made are mine and mine alone.

Spaderz, I’m Garnet, from Florida.
My dear boy, you come to us sad and angry. Life has not been kind to you, has it?
I’m sorry for your loss. I know this will sound trite, but time will heal all wounds.
Religion in its most simplistic forms are confusion and it’s alright to question them. For that matter it’s ok to question or reexamine anything we’ve been taught. History is written by the winners, so their truth may not agree with real history.

Prayers are never wasted. Someone always listens. Do they do any good? Always. Prayers are also always answered. You may feel that they aren’t, but perhaps the powers that be are saying not now, or no, for whatever reasons. But it was an answer.
As to the issue of Gods, very often, with the conquerors came the Gods.
Usually in their push for more land, riches, & resources. The previous belief system was either destroyed or superseded by a new one, i.e.: as Greece made their push of world domination, the Greek Pantheon was spread as the older gods fell to disuse. The same applies to the Egyptian, Roman and other pantheons.
Here, I’ll stop before I give everyone a lecture headache.
Be bless, stay safe and know you are loved
Garnet beloved of the Muse


This is part of why I hate labels. I think the labels come from our side of the veil. They are our attempt to describe our experiences. The religions and faiths of the world are just that, attempts to explain our experiences. You don’t have to accept those labels and formal religious explanations to believe in existence of something more than yourself, something we cannot see or that exists on a level we cannot perceive. What are you breathing right now? Air? Can you see it? Or is it a soup of quantum particles?

Yes, I have had experiences that are difficult to explain, seemed to come from outside of myself, and remained that way even after I slapped myself and washed my face :grin:. I choose to describe them a specific way. You are not required to agree or use the same descriptions. Spirituality is deeply personal and subjective, but that does not mean it isn’t “real.” Your relationship with your mom is personal and unique to you, even if there are similarities to others relationships. Your relationship to the Universe, the Goddess, or the Great Whoever is just as unique. That is why no one can give you The Answer. You must find it for yourself. That is the spiritual path, the journey of defining what you believe and what you do not. The courses are a great place to start.


Welcome! I hope you’re able to make progress on your journey here – I know I’ve learned LOTS from here :slight_smile: Also, I’m sorry for your loss – no loss is easy, especially when coupled with lots of questioning like you’re facing now.

I grew up in a vaguely Methodist household. We were Christian and went to Church when I was very little, but stopped going because, without going into details, there were some experiences within our church that didn’t sit well with my parents.

I’ve always been spiritual and have always believed in some sort of higher being or beings, but have never also always struggled with what and how I believe. I grew up sheltered and never really learned about any other religions until I learned about them in school. Even until a year or two into college, I never felt comfortable exploring anything other than different Christian denominations.

Eventually, I was taking an Intro to Judaism class as a gen ed class one semester in college. I chose the intro to Judaism class because from the moment I first learned about the Jewish religion, I was OBSESSED with the idea of it, and felt this indescribable pull toward it. Anyway, for one of the Intro to Judaism class assignments, we had to attend a Jewish religious service (if we weren’t already Jewish) and write about our experience. I went to one of the Kabbalat Shabbat services (the Friday night service to welcome the Sabbath). I was completely out of place: I was a gay ex-Christian (by that point I’d given up on Christianity) in a synagogue of the Conservative branch of Judaism. I didn’t know anyone, and most unsettling of all, on top of having no idea what was going on, the entire service (besides “please turn to page … in the prayer book”) was in Hebrew.

Despite being absolutely out of my element and clueless as to what was going on, I had this experience that still gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. There’s a part of the Kabbalat Shabbat service where a prayer called “Lecha Dodi” is sung. There’s one part of the prayer where everyone turns to the entrance of the chapel and bows. Still having no idea what was happening, I felt this overwhelming energy of peace and love flood into the room. I had never felt so at-peace, loved, and home as I felt in that moment.

After the service, I asked someone what was going on during that part of the prayer. They told me that at that point, they’re turning to greet the Bride of Shabbat and welcoming her into the sanctuary and into their life by extension. That I felt that energy, when I had no clue what was being said or what was happening, was the single most indescribably moving, life-changing moment in my life.

Now I’m a gay ex-Christian Jewish Witch who’s taking classes and in the process of officially converting to Judaism. (Although I am hiding the fact that I’m also a Witch and work with Hekate, Bast, and Hestia a secret from my rabbi – God would have smitten (?? smote? smited? lol) me by now if He had any problem with it :upside_down_face:

TLDR: You’d be amazed at where you can find inspiration, and your spiritual life, although complicated to figure out, is limitless :slight_smile:


This topic was automatically closed 180 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.