This was as it always seems to be a well-timed challenge for me to work on.
I have a hard time letting go of emotional things sometimes to the point that it affects me physically. I tend to fixate on hurts or potential hurts that I catastrophize and get locked in a cycle where I’m hurt and angry and continue to makes choices that worsen the situation instead of releasing the feelings and reclaiming my own energy.
I know I’ve needed to do a cord cutting ritual for someone in my life that continues wind up my anxiety and insecurities with her own issues. I take on and exagerrate her anxiety and lash out by cutting ties abrubtly without explanation to the ones I love. I know I need to let go and let her issues be her own. But I think part of me doesn’t know what to do without it. Who I’d be without the downward spirals. I print out the rituals and then tuck them away. Until things get out of hand and I wonder why I’m back at the same spot yet again feeling the same horrible way knowing I’m partly to blame.
I probably could and need to do a few Forgiveness rituals but the one that’s eating me up right now takes precidence.
I chose to use the Forgiveness Ritual and toss in a cord-cutting element. I wrote her name on a piece of paper and imagined how I would feel without the anxiety, the anger, the drama in my life. I focused on it clearly then lit the small scrap of paper containing her name on fire. And it fizzled out. Several attempts failed so I reexamined my intent and resolve and realized I was still holding on. I found a larger piece of paper to scribble her name upon. Balled it up and tossed it into my metal incense burner. I had a piece of twine nearby as well. I lit the crumpled paper afire and the blaze took this time. I grabbed the twine and held it over the flame as the paper moldered into glowing ash. The flame broke the twine with a snap that surprised me. I felt it not only in my soul but in my body.
Am I fixed? Maybe not yet. But I’m working on it for once… I’ve stopped insisting that I have to hold on to the pain, anxiety, and anger.
Thank you for this challenge and for the amazing ritual which is sure to become a part of my practice.
Kat