This essay may be rough around the edges because I wrote it on my phone while I was waiting at the vet’s. My kitty was having problems with her left eye, so I scheduled an appointment earlier this morning. She caught pinkeye, but the vet gave me an ointment to give to her for the next seven to ten days and her eye is looking better already!
My Magickal Roots
My journey began in October 2011 when I was a senior in college. I was majoring in computer science with a minor in a Business. I was enrolled in a class where I was learning how to program with C. It was more difficult than Java, but I studied hard and was sure I’d get a passing grade. But that changed when my professor handed back my first exam of the semester.
I waited until I was in my dorm Tom before I let myself cry. I had studied hours upon hours all weekend, stopping only to eat and use the restroom for a D+.
This was only one of two exams (minus the final). I’d barely gotten a passing grade on my other programming assignments( which weren’t worth much towards my overall grade). This D+ had lowered it to at least a D.
After speaking to my best friend, she confirmed what I had known my freshman year: computer science was not for me. Unfortunately, I was pressured by my family to not change my major
“You’ll make a lot of money!”
“You’ll have a bright future ahead of you!”
Note: if any of you are going to
school or thinking of going to school, don’t let anyone pressure you into studying something just because it’ll make you big bucks.
I went to see my academic advisor who was also my computer science professor (and the only one at the university).
He advised me to change my major from computer science to general studies (with a focus on theology, philosophy, and history) and minor in computer science and business. He said some very unnecessarily cruel things to me. “No one would hire you, even if you did somehow manage to graduate with a degree in computer science. You still can’t write programs without using the examples in your textbook as a basis and you still come to me with questions.”
At this time, I was a devout Catholic. After I changed my major, I’d felt betrayed by God. Since elementary school, I tried not to sin, went to church every Sunday, and was very active in my parish (altar server, Eucharistic minister, etc.). This is how I was rewarded for my faithfulness? What did I say, think or do?
I stopped dismissing the doubts I had about Christianity. I realized I was only worshipping God
for fear I’d burn in Hell.
And so, I made the decision to stop practicing.
After I graduated in spring 2013, part of me wanted to become a Wiccan. I had been drawn to it because I’d heard of the positive changes it has brought to its practitioners’ lives and being outside, surrounded by nature, always relaxed me.
However, I was still hearing all the Christian misconceptions I’d heard my whole life.
“Wiccans worship Satan.”
“Wicca is a gateway to Satanism.”
Blah, blah, blah.
When the lockdowns began in early 2020, my life (and the lives of many others) became very stressful. I was working overtime because many of my coworkers were calling off or quitong for fear they’d be exposed to COVID. Throughout a March and April, I was worried that I’d wake up one morning with COVID or that I’d bring COVID to my parents through the groceries I brought to them. My sisters were pressuring me to quit my job, telling me that I’m putting mom and dad at risk even more than they were.
I didn’t know what to do. There were countless ways me and my family could catch COVID.
I stayed at my job. From March to June, we all stayed healthy. Still, I kept worrying that by the end of the year, I would lose someone in my family (or even myself) to COVID.
Then about three days after Litha, I remember going out to water my flowers. The sun’s warmth felt calming. I noticed that the my flowers looked prettier than usual; the colors were vibrant and I could feel a warm pulsing energy. Then that night as I was getting off work, I felt the urge to look up at the sky and saw the waxing crescent moon. It was a only sliver of light, a day or two after the new moon. I couldn’t help but watch though and it filled me with a sense of peace. Then when I got home, I was browsing through Facebook and I came across a post that said, “You’re doing the best you can do in these unprecedented times. Don’t let anybody guilt you into thinking that you’re not.”
I believe that the Lord and Lady were calling to me.
The next day, I bought some of Scott Cunningham’s Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner for my Kindle and realized that Wicca was right for me. Since then, I have noticed an improvement in myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I can confidentially say that I’m the happiest I’ve been since that day in October 2011.
I studied as much as I could for the next month and during the Buck Moon, I set up my first altar… a cardboard box. I must have made thousands of mistakes (heck, I’m pretty sure I still make some) since I wasn’t sure what I was doing. But that didn’t dissuade me.
After Lughnasadh, I discovered Spells8. The information on this site gave me the info I needed to figure out where I want to take my Craft and which deities to work with. I finally joined during the Full Wolf Moon after working so much overtime at end of 2020 and in the first month 2021 (I think I have the money spell I cast on the Blue Moon in October to thank for that ).
It means a lot to me how supportive, helpful, and friendly everyone here has been. I’m grateful
that I’ve found a haven on the Internet away from all the rampant negativity.
Thank you for the taking the time to read this. Have a blessed weekend!