When Deity Tells You No - My Bealtaine Experience

I know Bealtaine was a little bit ago, but I don’t think I have spoken about my experience here yet. I wanted to tell you about the experience I had for my Bealtaine ritual this year and my communication with Brighid, the Irish goddess I worship and honor. If you didn’t already know, I am an Irish pagan and I practice witchcraft outside of my religious practice. I have been honoring Brighid for almost an entire year at this point, so I wanted to do some work with Her on Bealtaine.

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Will She accept my dedication?

For several months I had been tossing around the idea of dedicating to Brighid - dedicating myself to Her service and the things that She needs to be done. I wanted to dedicate myself to Her and bring Her into the “every day” for everyone else - to encompass what She stands for in my life. I had been tossing around that idea for a while. Dedicating myself to Her would mean the world to me, but I don’t take dedication lightly and I would never dedicate myself to Her service if She didn’t want me. In my opinion, it is rude to assume that a deity would want me in Their service anyway without me having asked Their permission.

Honestly, dedication and being oathbound and contracting with deities and other beings - it’s a serious topic and it’s not something that should be done lightly. So, that’s why I didn’t just willy-nilly do it. Even though I’ve been working with Her and honoring Her and giving Her offerings, it’s not something to just hop right into. However, that’s a topic for another discussion!

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But on Bealtaine - or Beltane - I did my ritual. I went into my living room. I sat in front of my woodburning stove. I lit my candles and I called out to Her. I meditated on the idea of dedicating to her. I could feel Her presence literally everywhere. It was the most intense meditation experience and communication I have ever had with Her. My answer?

She told me no.

You are not ready.

Seeing the Truth

Honestly, this didn’t really surprise me at this point because deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready to dedicate myself to Her service. It wasn’t just the fact that She didn’t think I was ready. She also told me that I did not know enough to be considered acceptable for Her service.

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I’m not going to sit here and say that I know everything that needs to be known about Brighid and Irish paganism enough to dedicate my path to Her and to Irish paganism in general. I got a resounding absolutely not - you are totally not ready for this. And She said that I’m not ready because I don’t know enough. She wants me to learn Her language and learn Her stories, but not just Her stories - the stories of Ireland and the Tuatha de Danann and the mythology and the folklore. And She said then, maybe you’ll be ready. And I have never felt like that during a meditation.

I wasn’t even disappointed, really. It was more of a realization - seeing clearly what I knew to be true. She said no, and that’s okay. I have never received messages that strong before from Gods or guides - it was so powerful and I’m not sure if it’s because I did the ritual on Bealtaine when the veil between this world and the Otherworld is thinnest, as they say, or if She just wanted to come through and deliver a powerful message and answer to my question.

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And even though She said no, I’m not discouraged. I’m not disappointed. If anything, it is a push for me to do better and work harder. But it’s also a validation that I’m on the right path - that I am following the steps that I need to follow in the direction that I need to go. And I say this because I have never in my pagan experience received messages that powerful or felt the energy and the strength from those messages like that before. So, I have a lot of learning to do still. And that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with that.

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(if you know the artist, please link me - I couldn’t find it through reverse image search)

Why Brighid?

Brighid is the first goddess that I have developed a relationship with, I want to say. She is the first goddess that I have sought out on my own and that I have worked closely with because, when I was Wiccan, it always felt very impersonal to me. Lord and Lady. God and Goddess. Like, okay, but who are they? And I know in some traditions, Wiccans choose from a pantheon and worship or honor those deities, but that never felt right to me. So, Wicca always felt so impersonal. And this experience with my Bealtaine ritual just lets me know that I am going in the right direction.

Brighid is there for me and steering me in the right direction, steering me where I need to go in order to be closer to Her and in order to move closer to that path of dedication to Her and to Irish paganism and living those values.

I was on a different energetic level after that experience. It rocked me for several days because the energy wave was just super intense. I’m taking steps to further my education in regard to Irish paganism, the Tuatha de Danaan, and learning the Irish language. It hasn’t been easy, and I have honestly had to push myself sometimes to read the stories or learn the language. It’s difficult learning a new language at almost 29 years old, but I’m trying!

Have you ever had an experience where a deity told you no or denied your request? Have you ever had such a strong meditative experience that it just rocked your entire world? Have the Gods ever asked anything of you that was difficult for you to achieve or handle? Feel free to share your experiences - or don’t!

If you’re interested, I speak more about my experiences working with and honoring Brighid in the YouTube video below or on my podcast.


This is a great post, I’m still not where I would personally like to be within my personal meditation practice, and I’ve yet to dedicate myself to a deity, however I do work with Cerridwen, and I must say the first experience I had with contacting her blew my mind, the warmth and protection I felt during this experience was like nothing I’ve really experienced before, this really wasn’t all that long ago, but it certainly shaped the way I view my practice now


Thank you for sharing your inspiring encounter with Brighid! It sounds like you had a wonderful and powerful experience this Beltane- very exciting! :heart_eyes: I love your posts about Irish paganism. I didn’t know much about this area before- but I am glad to learn! :books::two_hearts:


I really can’t wait, honestly, but I think that’s just my excitement talking. I need to get myself in the right headspace before I jump into full-on dedication! It’s interesting that you work with Cerridwen as She was a deity that I had been interested in for a long time but never really felt a connection with.

Thank you! I’m still learning myself, too - and it’s difficult being in the states because I’ve never been exposed to much of Irish culture, mythology, or language. But I’m trying!

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It sounds like you are learning a lot- the internet is an amazing place to study and connect with other people and cultures around the world :world_map::two_hearts:.

Are you studying the Irish language? :heart_eyes: I spent a semester studying Scottish Gaelic at uni, but found it to be too difficult for me :sweat_smile: Celtic languages are pretty tough to learn! But so fascinating and beautiful to listen to :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Tá! It is pretty difficult, but I’m taking the free course over on Future Learn and making use of my Mango Language resource I have through the library. I’ll get it eventually. It’s the grammar, syntax, and sentence structure that gets me - plus the pronunciation lol


Speaking of languages, I thought I would learn a little bit of the Welsh language, I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to learn something so different, but its a truly amazing and a beautiful language. Keep up with the studies it will all eventually come full circle for you! Best of Luck


Hahaha sounds like pretty much everything about it is tricky! :laughing: From what I remember (very little lol) of Scottish Gaelic, I really struggled with the word order of sentences and definitely the pronunciation. And since I wasn’t in Scotland when I was learning, there really wasn’t any good way to practice speaking outside of class :sweat_smile:
The Celtic languages are gorgeous and I hope you have good luck in your studies! Have you been to/do you want to go Ireland to maybe study or practice your language skills there? :shamrock:

The Welsh language- amazing!!! :heart_eyes: I can’t say I know anything about speaking Welsh, good for you, @Trey! May I ask what drew you to learning this language? :open_book:


I have a question. Do we pick the deity we want to dedicate ourselves to or does the deity choose you? How do I go about finding who my deity is or am I still too much of a baby? I did have a very clear image of Baphomet and horned god symbol while meditating one day and fell asleep in the sun, (I do that alot) but nothing since. I am feeling very restricted as I have to hide my new journey. Could this be the cause?

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Either or works! It’s different for everyone :slight_smile: It just takes time on working with a deity. Some work faster than others. Just like us, they all have their own personality


Ireland is definitely on my list of places to travel. I would ideally love to live there, but finances and immigration restrictions are not on my side currently lol

Hey there Katt! So, to answer your questions simply - it depends on your tradition. For me as an Irish pagan, I have a strong connection and pull toward the Irish pantheon but I didn’t go into it with an idea of which deity I wanted to worship or dedicate to. For me, it just sort of happened organically. Dedication is a very complex and mostly-serious endeavor, so I always caution against dedicating too soon.

To find your deity, I suggest meditation first. Have a good understanding of grounding and centering techniques, cleansing, and a basic understanding of meditation techniques. You will want to be able to tell your imagination apart from your meditation.

I recommend following the Meditation Roots course if you’re new to meditation.

In this Audio Guided Meditation Course, you will learn:

:crescent_moon: Scanning your entire body
:crescent_moon: Controlling your breath
:crescent_moon: Grounding your emotions
:crescent_moon: Working with visualization techniques
:crescent_moon: The Power of Mantras
:crescent_moon: Simple Morning Routine
:crescent_moon: Simple Evening Routine
:crescent_moon: Dealing with Anxiety, Sleeping, Healing.

You can also try the Purple Candle guided meditation to gain clarity from your higher self. This could be adapted, too, to gain clarity from your guides and the Gods.

A practical thing you can do is research different deities that interest you. Start with a pantheon and go from there. We have a few different devotionals that may help you figure out who you want to connect with. There are also many resources online for different pantheons of Gods.

Whew - that was a lot, but I hope it was helpful!


Wow that is a lot but soooo helpful thank you


The thing that drew me to this language was my ancestry, I wish I knew more than I do of the language, its a learning process but its something I felt I need to learn due to my background


You’re very welcome @Katt - and let me know if you have any more questions! Feel free to make your own post or topic with the question, too :slight_smile:


@Trey That’s part of what got me interested in Irish paganism. Once I started, though, it just snowballed from there and now I’m here lol What language learning tools are you using?


To be honest with you, I just use youtube, I don’t know a whole ton just a few basic things, Id like to get RS or Babbel if it has welsh I haven’t checked, also this is off subject but I just watched your live stream on mental health, I thought it was AWESOME! I struggle with mental health issues myself.


I think it’s wonderful that you are honoring your heritage by pursuing a new language! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I never got too far with RS, and never tried Babbel- perhaps DuoLingo has Welsh? They’re always adding to their available languages, and the phone app is free! :+1: DuoLingo was my lifeline when I was starting with Polish- it helped a lot! :grin:

If you find a good language-learning site/app in your pursuit of Welsh, definitely feel free to share! :books::two_hearts:

Thank you! Mental health plays a large role in my practice because it’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I’m always open and honest about it - and I think that the spiritual community as a whole can do better :heart: I’m glad you enjoyed it!

Also, I would definitely check out any online resources that your local library has to offer in terms of language learning. When I lived in Oregon, my library offered something called Mango Languages that I get for free because of my library card. Mango doesn’t have Welsh, but I did find this website (https://www.learn-welsh.net/) that looks like it might be geared toward children, but the games look fun and would probably help me learn!

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Thanks! Ill check out the site, and as far as mental health goes, I personally went thru a particularly rough patch and my mental health and therapy are what ultimately led me to seek out the craft


That’s a very common thing that I find amongst those of us who have mental health issues. Often, we seek out something that is unknown to us in the hopes that it brings us solace. Turns out, that’s exactly what most of us needed!