I know Bealtaine was a little bit ago, but I don’t think I have spoken about my experience here yet. I wanted to tell you about the experience I had for my Bealtaine ritual this year and my communication with Brighid, the Irish goddess I worship and honor. If you didn’t already know, I am an Irish pagan and I practice witchcraft outside of my religious practice. I have been honoring Brighid for almost an entire year at this point, so I wanted to do some work with Her on Bealtaine.
For several months I had been tossing around the idea of dedicating to Brighid - dedicating myself to Her service and the things that She needs to be done. I wanted to dedicate myself to Her and bring Her into the “every day” for everyone else - to encompass what She stands for in my life. I had been tossing around that idea for a while. Dedicating myself to Her would mean the world to me, but I don’t take dedication lightly and I would never dedicate myself to Her service if She didn’t want me. In my opinion, it is rude to assume that a deity would want me in Their service anyway without me having asked Their permission.
Honestly, dedication and being oathbound and contracting with deities and other beings - it’s a serious topic and it’s not something that should be done lightly. So, that’s why I didn’t just willy-nilly do it. Even though I’ve been working with Her and honoring Her and giving Her offerings, it’s not something to just hop right into. However, that’s a topic for another discussion!
Image via Pixabay.com
But on Bealtaine - or Beltane - I did my ritual. I went into my living room. I sat in front of my woodburning stove. I lit my candles and I called out to Her. I meditated on the idea of dedicating to her. I could feel Her presence literally everywhere. It was the most intense meditation experience and communication I have ever had with Her. My answer?
She told me no.
You are not ready.
Honestly, this didn’t really surprise me at this point because deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready to dedicate myself to Her service. It wasn’t just the fact that She didn’t think I was ready. She also told me that I did not know enough to be considered acceptable for Her service.
I’m not going to sit here and say that I know everything that needs to be known about Brighid and Irish paganism enough to dedicate my path to Her and to Irish paganism in general. I got a resounding absolutely not - you are totally not ready for this. And She said that I’m not ready because I don’t know enough. She wants me to learn Her language and learn Her stories, but not just Her stories - the stories of Ireland and the Tuatha de Danann and the mythology and the folklore. And She said then, maybe you’ll be ready. And I have never felt like that during a meditation.
I wasn’t even disappointed, really. It was more of a realization - seeing clearly what I knew to be true. She said no, and that’s okay. I have never received messages that strong before from Gods or guides - it was so powerful and I’m not sure if it’s because I did the ritual on Bealtaine when the veil between this world and the Otherworld is thinnest, as they say, or if She just wanted to come through and deliver a powerful message and answer to my question.
And even though She said no, I’m not discouraged. I’m not disappointed. If anything, it is a push for me to do better and work harder. But it’s also a validation that I’m on the right path - that I am following the steps that I need to follow in the direction that I need to go. And I say this because I have never in my pagan experience received messages that powerful or felt the energy and the strength from those messages like that before. So, I have a lot of learning to do still. And that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with that.
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(if you know the artist, please link me - I couldn’t find it through reverse image search)
Brighid is the first goddess that I have developed a relationship with, I want to say. She is the first goddess that I have sought out on my own and that I have worked closely with because, when I was Wiccan, it always felt very impersonal to me. Lord and Lady. God and Goddess. Like, okay, but who are they? And I know in some traditions, Wiccans choose from a pantheon and worship or honor those deities, but that never felt right to me. So, Wicca always felt so impersonal. And this experience with my Bealtaine ritual just lets me know that I am going in the right direction.
I was on a different energetic level after that experience. It rocked me for several days because the energy wave was just super intense. I’m taking steps to further my education in regard to Irish paganism, the Tuatha de Danaan, and learning the Irish language. It hasn’t been easy, and I have honestly had to push myself sometimes to read the stories or learn the language. It’s difficult learning a new language at almost 29 years old, but I’m trying!
Have you ever had an experience where a deity told you no or denied your request? Have you ever had such a strong meditative experience that it just rocked your entire world? Have the Gods ever asked anything of you that was difficult for you to achieve or handle? Feel free to share your experiences - or don’t!
If you’re interested, I speak more about my experiences working with and honoring Brighid in the YouTube video below or on my podcast.